Twisted Strings: Back to the Poofer
by packman23
Summary: Fairy World is a magical world full of joy, right? Wrong. Fairy World is a world of corruption and paranoia as Poof is about to discover, as he attempts to find Timmy years after he lost his godparents. On Hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own FOP. Story inspired by the works of Kaycie Jackson

**Chapter 1: Earth's Greatest Evil**

High above Earth there can be seen, for those who care to look, a large pink cloud covered in towers and spires that are so far beyond belief, that even the world's most insane teacher would have been left breathless to witness them. Winged creatures of all colours, sporting some of the most ridiculous hats ever seen crowded the streets and passed daily between the many regions of the cloud top paradise and Earth, bringing joy to miserable children who inhabit the blue and green sphere. In the center of this land stands a great building, tall as a sky scraper yet built with the detail and finesse of a Greek temple. This place was the Grand Processing Department of the First Servants of the Great Fair Folk Royal Family, or, as it was more commonly known Fairy World's Central Council Building.

Cosmo, one of the least intelligent fairies anyone had ever had the pleasure (or displeasure) of meeting, sat uncomfortably in a flip down plastic chair in the waiting room of the building. He turned to his wife, grinning stupidly.

"See Wanda, I told you I could order food here." Cosmo sat back. He shook his head and twiddled his thumbs, idly wondering how long it would be until that kid arrived with his hot-dog, and whether he should have ordered a pizza instead.

His pink haired wife rolled her eyes, she knew she shouldn't have bought him along; but Jorgen Von Strangle had been very insistent. That had certainly hurt. She couldn't really blame Cosmo, they had already been waiting here for several hours. She shook her head; it was hard to believe, but it had only been a week since Timmy had defeated the Darkness and, although Fairy World was recovering nicely. Timmy had somehow managed to drag his party out for a whole week, possibly as a secret method to win the love of Trixie Tang. All over Fairy World, Timmy was hailed as a hero, and no one could possibly be more proud of him than her. She watched with baited breath as the door opened and the small figure of Binky Abdul stepped forwards.

"Uh... The council will see you now." he stammered. Wanda got up and; despite his complaints that his hot-dog hadn't come yet; dragged Cosmo through the door. They stared around, finding themselves surrounded by cloaked figures. Jorgen stepped out of the crowd, towering over the two fairies.

"Introducing," he growled, annoyed that he was not the most powerful fairy in the room, although he certainly was the strongest and prettiest, "Wakefield Claus, head of the fairy supreme council," a red cloaked figure stepped out of the crowd. He moved silently, walking towards Wanda and bowing low. Cosmo stared at the man, eagerly trying to guess what the mysterious figure looked like beneath his cloak.

"Vato Voltaire, head of Fairy World Internal affairs," a similarly cloaked yellow figure stepped from the huddle, lightening flashing behind him. His costume was different to the other councilors, spiky and all around more sinister looking. Wanda stepped back slightly, she had heard that Voltaire was like something out of a bad horror movie, but this was ridiculous.

"Hamlet Green, head of Fairy World defence and Luxemba Farfly, head of Fairy World communications." a green cloaked figure in some kind of metallic monocle and a purple cloaked figure with two tails of hair hanging out from under her hood stepped from the crowd.

Jorgen cleared his throat. "And finally, head of Fairy World Justice and my own boss, Scorpio Capricorn." Wanda looked around, expecting another looming figure, but no one stepped forwards.

Hamlet Green groaned, "Where is that idiot?"

...

Somewhere near Timmy Turners party, Scorpio Capricorn woke up. He brushed a prematurely white hair out of his eye. He groaned, finding himself lying in a cart, he never should have accepted that drink from that giant rock monster, that guy just didn't know when to stop. Capricorn smiled, looking down at his watch, his eyes literally jumping out of his head when he caught sight of the time. Scorpio pulled himself to his feet, picked up his eyes and, despite a raging headache, began to head towards the council building at top speed. It only took him a minute to arrive at the council building but during that time he had managed to; curse his luck in 163 different languages, get lost fifty times, knock over several crates of chickens, run directly through the wall of someones living room and cause approximately one million dollars worth of property damage, which, he decided, was not the best start of the day for the head of Fairy World justice. He found and washed his council cloak in under a minute and, after putting both legs down the same leg hole fifteen times, waltzed into the council building as though nothing had happened, ignoring Hamlet's comment ("And I thought I was the slow one.")

"Okay," Wakefield, dismissed the other cloaked figures who had been bought in for dramatic reasons, and sat down at his desk, waiting for the other four to take their seats. "First, I must thank you for your help in defeating our old enemy, or, ahem, new friend, the Darkness... err Yellowness... err Kindness." Wakefield groaned and shook his head, this was going to be a long day.

"Well, anyway, I really must thank you for your tireless efforts against the Darkness. Timmy sacrificed himself in order to save his friends and showed an intelligence far beyond his years. It was really a very adult action." He smiled.

"Thank you," Wanda answered, not really knowing what to say to someone so secretive.

"...And we don't do magic for adults." Luxemba said. Cosmo and Wanda stared at the council, open mouthed as they realised what the council was implying. Wanda's mouth ran dry, she tried to say something, but couldn't think of anything to say.

"Nize huh," Vato grinned, "It took uzz three 'ourz to choreograph zat zpeech." Wanda stared at him.

"How... how... how could you?" she sniffed, trying to hold back tears "He saved you and now you're just going to wipe his memory and put him back with his evil babysitter."

"Wanda, calm down," Luxemba smiled reassuringly "this is a three year notice. We'll be removing you on Timmy's thirteenth birthday".

"But Timmy still needs us," Cosmo began, teary eyed.

"And he will continue to need you for the rest of his life if you carry on like this." Scorpio cradled his head in one hand. "Do you know how many other thousands of children there are out there whose problems you could solve in a month. Timmy is a difficult boy and we just simply can't keep fixing his messes. In fact the older he gets the easier it will be for him to exploit the rules, and the less easy it will be for him to put his mistakes right."

"Please Wanda," Claus smiled warmly leaning forwards. He might as well not have bothered as Wanda couldn't see his mouth anyway, "we want to make this time as happy as possible." The five people got up, Green opening the door to let the two saddened Godparents out of the poofarazzi escape hatch, before leaving with the others through the main door.

"Councilor Green, is it true that your planning peace talks with Pixie inc." one shouted.

"No comment."

"Councilor Farfly, is there any truth to the rumors that Timmy Turner is set to lose his fairies."

"No comment."

"Councilor Voltaire, is it true that your department is solely responsible for the creation of the eliminators." Vato's eyes widened.

"What? NO! Go to hell!"

"Mr Claus! Mr Claus!" Claus climbed up onto the stage and turned to the audience. He raised his hands for silence.

"Yes. It is true that we are taking Mr Turner's Fairies away, but allow me to explain. You see, out there is a monster more powerful, more deadly and more dangerous than the Darkness has ever been. If any one of these creatures found out about our existence, it would surely spell the end for all our kind. Mr Turner will surely, as he grows up, become one of these savage beasts, as all humans do. I am talking, of course, of that great pimply monster. The Teenager."

... Dimmsdale: Three years later...

There is a unhappy place between the Dimmadump and Flappy Bob's Learnatorium in which could be seen the most horrible and gut wrenchingly terrifying place that any child would ever see, Mc Vicky's fast food restaurant. No one was quite sure how Vicky had got a job managing a restaurant but it probably had something to do with the fact that, after Timmy had reached the age of twelve, his parents stopped paying Vicky to babysit, and Icky with a V was left with a lot of spare time and **a** **lot **of money. Using this money, and the fact that Mc Vicky's was a franchise owned by her cowardly father and vicious uncle, Vicky was able to get a job there and work her way up the employee ladder, until she became head of the store. Now able to hire anyone, Vicky wasted no time in staffing the place with angst filled, vicious and unfriendly teenagers just like herself. Timmy couldn't believe that he was spending his thirteenth birthday here and wondered why his parents had possibly thought that inviting Mr Crocker was a good idea. The man didn't even teach him any more, but Timmy's dad seemed to like him, which was weird. The only really good thing about being there was the fact that he had managed to invite Chip Skylark as well and, although Timmy didn't like all his music, he was a really nice guy; and he'd bought Timmy a snowmobile, so the birthday couldn't be all bad. Chester and AJ were there too, of course, as was Elmer, Sanjay and, unfortunately, Tootie, who seemed to have somehow hidden inside one of the presents. Timmy rolled his eyes, getting up to order them some food; his parents obviously weren't going to, they were too busy hanging over a somewhat creeped out Chip, Timmy's dad even seemed to be drooling slightly.

"Chhhhhiiiiiipppp Ssskkkyyylllaaarrrkkk..." Timmy's dad drooled.

"Must. Ignore. Son's. Birthday. And. Keep. Staring. At. Terrified celerity." Timmy's mom droned. Timmy got up, heading over to the counter.

"Welcome to Mc Vicky's how may I _help _you," the teenager behind the counter drawled, literally choking on the word help.

"I'll have Two Vicky supremes with extra cheese, a triple Vicky deluxe, a Vicky Flame fried classic, three unhappy meals and a twerpy meal."

"Will you be having pain with that sir" the lanky teen drawled, picking at his face with his nails.

"No thanks" Timmy said, sincerely hoping that becoming a teenager wouldn't mean he'd end up like that.

"Five bucks extra," the teen snatched the money off Timmy, pocketing it himself, as was encouraged at Mc Vicky's.

Timmy took the food back to the table, placing it down and handing out the food.

"Oh Boy! My Twerpy Meal!" Shouted Mr Crocker as he, and his creepy robotic son, destroyed the meal in a flurry of craziness. Timmy rolled his eyes, hoping that the rest of his Birthday would be better than this.

...

When Timmy kicked open the door to his room that evening, he was completely astounded by what he saw before him. The room was filled with streamers, presents and pretty much every magical creature that Timmy had ever met. Seeing that most of them were his enemies, Timmy was rather touched that they'd all come together to celebrate his birthday.

"Cosmo! Wanda! You've got to see this he shouted, before noticing them in front of him, "Oh. Yeah. Right. This is awesome, seriously, no one ever threw me a Birthday Party this great before."

"As much as I hate to tell you this," came the ever boring gloating voice of HP from behind Timmy, "we're not actually celebrating your birthday. We're here to celebrate the fact that today, you lose your fairies and everything dear to you." Timmy stared at him, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

"Crying like a little girl, not cool." Sneered another voice from behind him.

"Wait," Timmy sniffed, regaining composure and stared at his godparents. "It's my last day with you guys and you only invited my enemies to the farewell party."

"Well, we did try to find some magical creatures who still liked you sweety..." Wanda began.

"But there weren't any, so we just invited all your enemies instead. There are loads of them." Cosmo finished

"Poof poof," agreed Timmy's little godbrother.

"What's wrong with us? Anyway," Dark Laser complained, "if I try to destroy you today then _she_," he looked suspiciously at Wanda, "is gonna turn me back into a picture."

Wanda smiled weakly at Timmy "Well Timmy, seeing that it's your last day ever with us, why don't we do something fun, OK?" Timmy grinned, Wanda was right, there was really no point in wasting the last day he'd ever have fairies with pointless moping. After all, it was his Birthday

5 hours later, one minute before midnight on the 21st of March, the party was mostly over, and everyone, besides Timmy, his fairies and, for some reason, the Pixies, had left.

"What are those two doing here?" Timmy asked.

"Well Mr Turner, we've waited three years to see you defeated, and now you're going to be, we want to share the moment." HP smiled.

"This is the happiest day of my life. I'm getting quite emotional," Sanderson said, and a pixie passed him a box of tissues.

"Someone get the camera," HP grinned. The digital clock next to Timmy's bed turned to 12:00 and a copy of Da Rules appeared in front of them. Jorgen stepped from the book, surrounded by Yellow cloaked figures, streamers flew all around, and Jorgen, smiling uncomfortably, grabbed the Pixies, squashed them into a paper chain and threw them over his shoulder into the wastepaper basket.

"Well," HP's voice drifted out from inside the bin, "this is certainly not how I envisioned the happiest day of my life."

"Timmy Turner!" Jorgen boomed, obviously attempting to sound happy, "Congratulations! You have managed, somehow, to keep your fairies until it was naturally time for you to lose them, seeing as you now no longer need your fairies, your mind will be wiped of all memory of fairies." Timmy cringed, readying himself to be mind wiped. "However," Jorgen continued, "seeing that you are loosing your fairies naturally, we will be allowing your fairies to mind wipe you personally. Also all the magic your fairies have left will remain, and you will be issued replacement goldfish." Jorgen grinned forcibly, trying to suppress his normal grab and erase reflex as he handed his memory eraser over to Cosmo and, along with Wanda, left the room.

"I thought the council was sending someone, less intimidating." Wanda said nervously.

"Yes. We're dangerously understaffed." Jorgen admitted.

Cosmo stared sadly at Timmy, and the pink hatted teenager stared back at him. Cosmo's lip quivered as he raised the eraser. This was supposed to be easy? Well it wasn't. He didn't think he could do this. He choked back tears, and was about to click the eraser, when he heard Timmy's voice.

"Cosmo?"

"Y-yeah Timmy?" Cosmo stammered.

"Before you do this, I want one last wish. I wish that you would never tell Poof about me. I don't want him to go out looking for me, it'd only upset him if he found out he could never see me again." Cosmo smiled and nodded, putting on goggles for protection.

Timmy smiled, "Thank you." he whispered. A bulb flashed, and he fell asleep.

Cosmo stepped off the bus to Fairy World, spotting Wanda and Poof almost immediately. Wanda looked at him with questioning eyes. Cosmo nodded, passing the memory eraser over to Jorgen, who was also standing nearby, waiting. Cosmo put one hand on his wife's shoulder, and the three fairies walked back into Fairy World.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own FOP. For those of you who have heard otherwise, I can assure you that you have been mislead. Sorry.

**Chapter Two: Now and Then**

"NOOOOOOO!" Jorgen cried, jumping out of his chair and wrapping his arms around Cosmo and Wanda, "YOU CAN'T QUIT! YOU ARE MY ONLY FRIENDS!" Cosmo bit his lip and looked over at his wife, who rolled her eyes.

"Jorgen," she soothed, "I know it's sad. We don't want to leave either. But we just can't keep putting so much heart into helping these kids and then just leave them. It's too hard. Besides, we've got Poof to look after now. Anyway, you can always visit us if you really want to."

"Y-y-yeah," Cosmo smiled unreassuringly, shaking like a leaf for fear that Jorgen might lash out. He had good reason to be afraid as, in a fit of anger, Jorgen pulled the man off his feet and hurled him at the wall, before staring at his feet.

"You see," Jorgen sniffed, "now you'll hate me. Just because I beat you up. And now you have a choice about avoiding me. It not fair." Jorgen's assistant, Binky, cringed as the huge man began to cry. Wanda sighed, Jorgen may have been the toughest fairy in Fairy World, but he sure didn't know how to act it. The other nearby fairies, Cosmo included, took a step away from Jorgen and Wanda, deciding that no one else was going to help, stepped forwards to calm the big man.

"Jorgen, I'm sorry. You can still visit any time you want. You can play with Cosmo, and come for tea. And Poof hasn't got a godfather yet..." It helped, but not that much. "OH FOR PETE'S SAKE STOP CRYING!" Wanda exploded, causing Jorgen to stop. He stared up at her, smiling weakly at her. Wanda smiled back, she didn't know all that much about Jorgen VonStrangle but, at the moment, she thought she might have made a friend. Her suspicions were proved painfully accurate when Jorgen grabbed her and Cosmo around the neck, and pulled them into a bone cracking hug.

As this heartwarming scene unfurled in front of him one of the nearby fairies, swathed from head to toe in a green cloak, stepped out of the room. He shuffled along the corridor, dragging one leg behind him as he made his way along the corridor and, when he had finally reached the end, reached inside his pocket, retrieving a golden communicator, which he flicked open.

"Lead to Magician. Lead to Magician, come in Magician," The man paused, groaning, 'magician' as he called himself had his phone off, probably trapped in some sort of delusion of self grandeur. He quickly re-dialed, hoping that one of the other men would be there.

"Khante," he snapped.

"Yes, my good friend. What is it now." came the reply. The green cloaked figure groaned, what was it with that man. Counting your words. It was just odd.

"Is that really your decision, Drammer?" Drammer gasped, counting question marks? Khante wasn't well today. Drammer sighed.

"Jorgen's out. He's just to soft to be an agent." The other man spluttered.

"Yes. If we keep working like this, we'll never find anyone. I dread to say it, but we need, **him**."

...

The fairy sat in his cell, shoulders hunched over a tray of food. Omelet, these Anti-Fairies really did know how to spoil a guy. A single red hair fell over his unwashed face. Why had he done it. Sure genocide of a whole species in retaliation against some guy who had married the wrong girl and had been thrown out of Fairy World (quite literally) years ago seemed like a good idea, but it had got old fast. Now he had a reason to hate Fairy World, a reason to break them, slowly and painfully. And he had reason to find him, find him and destroy him. He grinned, this time that insolent boy would not avoid him, Cosmo Cosma would die. And he would rise up and take control. He grinned, snickering to himself as the guard of his cell advanced upon him.

"What're you laughing at Black," the guard growled.

"Oh nothing. I'm just enjoying my meal. My last meal." Black snorted.

"Last meal? You're not being executed," The warty faced Anti-Fairy sneered. "wish ya were though, it would cut down on the amount of riots we get 'ere."

"Hmm... yes well. You're right, I'm not dying. You see, this isn't my last meal before I die, this is my last meal behind bars!" The Anti-Fairy glared at him.

"You were distractin' me right," the guard groaned.

"'Fraid so!" Black grinned. The guard sniffed, feeling heart broken and betrayed. He was so drowned in self pity, in fact, that he didn't even register when the huge man in the long black cloak smashed in his head, and stepped over him. The man grinned up at his saviors.

"Well, well, well" Red Black sneered, his face full of selfish glee, "Mr H, how nice to see y..." he stared back down at his meal. "Ooh, dessert!"

...

The next few thousands of years were uneventful. At least, on Earth they were thousands of years. On Fairy World, where time traveled slowly, they where simply years. During which Poof Cosma grew up, blissfully unaware of his old older god brother and, over the years, dismissed his days with Timmy as merely dreams and imaginings, which was encouraged by his heartbroken parents. As the days turned to years, and more Fairy Babies were born, Poof lost a large majority of his fame, much to the relief of his family and his own chagrin. He went to school, like any normal boy, and was gradually taught the workings of magic, and how wands controlled it. Of Merlin, Maraz Drack, Joren P Cartwell and other less known figures. Of maths, swimming and Spectraheptology. Of Wiccans, Pixies and Humans. And there was also a bunch of other stuff, but who cares about all of that. Poof's parents were thrilled, while not quite the star pupil of the class, he was certainly a bright boy, and was on course to start learning magic in the fifth grade, which would make him a great help around the house.

It was his tenth birthday (or for humans his three-thousandth) when it happened, the event that would change Poof's life forever. It was your average small birthday party, no cameras, no councilors and no fancy stuff, not after what had happened on his third birthday. Poof was seated in pride of place, sitting near the cake, surrounded by kids, parents, and two very weird pseudo-uncles. One of them, Hassian Orion, was a kids greatest dream, and an adults worst nightmare. Sitting there in a white suite and top hat, Hassian 'The Magician' Orion was a talkative and fun loving jerk who always found someway to steer the conversation towards himself. The other Uncle, Creevey Clarion, was a depressive recluse, who didn't especially like children and would've been all to willing to kill himself if it meant getting some peace and quiet. Poof really didn't know what was wrong with him, his son had disappeared or something. He scanned across the other guests. His dad and Juandissimo Magnifico were already getting pounded by his grandfather Big Daddy for trying to eat the cake, his Mom was staring daggers across the table at the ever talentless Aunt Blonda and Jorgen, well, Jorgen hadn't been invited, the fact that the baby VonStrangle triplets were here was bad enough without their father being there to lay waste to the buffet as well. All in all it was a pretty good birthday, and Poof was more than happy to receive his presents. Roller skates from Mama Cosma, Wand-i-oh trading cards from Uncle Schnozmo, a supper blaster soupreme from his dad and acting lessons (for Aunt Blonda) from his mother. Poof had been particularly thrilled to receive Hassian present, 12'000'000'000'000 tons of sticky candy, a white top hat, and a life sized statue of himself. Wanda had been significantly less pleased, asking how she would ever get the stuff of her lawn. Creevey hadn't bought him anything, which was bad, but he supposed that they were using his house, and that was nice.

Blonda glared over at Creevey, the man really didn't look as good as he did on the covers of all those books, he had let himself go, he was fat and balding, she guessed it must just be getting old that did it. She couldn't believe that Creevey hadn't bought Poof anything, what kind of jerk didn't bring anything to a kids party anyway.

"What kind of jerk doesn't bring anything to a kids party anyway?" Blonda said aloud.

"Listen lady," Creevey muttered, "I don't have to do what I don't want to."

"LADY?" Blonda gasped indignantly, pulling herself to her feet, "You can't speak to me like that."

"Can and will," Creevey growled.

Blonda gasped, "Y-y-you creep. What are you even doing here anyway. If you don't want to be here if you don't want to be."

"My house." Creevey groaned, speaking in his usual uncaring bullet point form.

"Jerk."

"Talentless."

"Uncle Creevey," Cosmo whined, completely inappropriately "you're embarrassing me."

"Heh, heh. Y-you know this reminds me of that time me and Creev' tried to steal a Popsicle as a kid." Hassian stuttered, hurriedly trying to divert attention from the argument before the inevitable happened. Poof and, unfortunately, most of the other children, watched in silent amusement, waiting for the next insult to come.

"Freak!"

"Ogre.

"Pig!"

"Caudex," Creevey spat, using a word that only he understood, Bulgarian or something.

"You know," the Tooth Fairy whispered to a woman next to her, "I bet he used to be nicer when he had a wife."

Creevey gasped, his whole body sagging as a hushed silence fell over the entire assembly. Hassian got to his feet, wand shaking in his hand as he pointed it at her, he had been meaning to say something, but no words came, so he sat down again. On Poof's other side, Creevey sank to the floor, falling off his chair. He cradled his head in his hands and muttered something indistinctly.

"So, anyone else got a present for Poof," Hassian smiled nervously, attempting to divert attention from his friend, but with little success.

"Out." Creevey muttered, "Get out Hassian. Get out Poof. Just leave me alone. LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"You can't throw us out!" Blonda complained, obviously not understanding that a sacred line had been crossed ages ago "You were Cosmo's father's best friend."

Creevey spat. "Best friend?" He moaned, staring intently at the ground, "He's the reason that my son's dead. I never should have trusted that man.

Poof gasped, he had never heard anyone ever talk about his grandfather before. He didn't now anything about him.

"Heh, but that's what Fairy World's about." Creevey groaned, "Secrets. Like Timmy Turn..."

Fortunately for all involved, Jorgen chose this exact moment to enter, blabbering incomprehensibly about never being told there was a party and swearing vengeance on everyone in the room, before tripping over a nail and dropping a large amount of highly sensitive explosives, that had been his present, over the floor. Suffice to say the explosion was rather spectacular.

...

Poof grumbled as he walked down the roads of Fairy World, tired and miserable, a fine smoke wafted out from his messy purple hair, creating a black storm cloud over his head that matched his mood perfectly. His lucky Star T-shirt was blackened and burnt, and one of his wings was ripped, forcing him to walk. He thought he'd heard something about Timmy too, that kid he used to dream about when he was a little baby. His imaginary older brother so to speak. Unfortunately the house had exploded before he heard anything else. That was a crying shame.

"Poof Cosma! Now what are you doing blackened and burning so early in the morning?" came a voice from behind Poof. It was the voice Wakefield Clause, the faceless head of Fairy World. The man had been a good friend of his parents ever since a creature called the Darkness had attacked Fairy World. A human had saved them with help from Poof's parents. Being in the History books alongside the human was a little embarrassing. Wakefield laughed, stepping out from behind a pillar. Poof had to admit he was surprised, he hadn't even heard Clause sneak up on him. "Bad day?" Poof shuffled his feet.

"It's my birthday today," he groaned, severly wishing he could be happy about that.

"Why yes." Clause grinned, producing a present from his pocket, "I almost forgot." He passed over a long thin tube wrapped in bright pink paper.

Poof ripped open the wrapping paper, revealing a long, green wand made of what appeared to be battered plastic, Wakefield turned away from Poof.

"That's a training wand, your grandfather's to be exact. Amelius Cosma, one of the greatest scientific minds Fairy World has ever had. God only knows how I got it."

"My grandfather," Poof whispered in awe, "What was he like?"

"You'd have to ask one of your uncle's to find that out. Only Red Black knows for sure."

"Red Black?" Poof asked, but Clause waved him aside.

"Yes. Now come on, there's something I want to show you."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I still don't own FOP. I didn't last chapter so what made you think I do now.

**Chapter Three: Time (among other things)**

Mr Claus strode down the corridor, carving a path through the other councilors like a knife through paper, pointing out things while he went. Poof gasped, even when he was flying and Claus was walking, it was still hard for him to keep up. As he flew up beside Claus, the man, stopped abruptly and Poof, not noticing, flew straight past him, colliding with the wall. Claus rolled his eyes under his hood, and helped the sniveling child up.

"You're ten, boy," a yellow cloaked figure remarked as he passed, his giant wings forcing the nearby bureaucrats to leap out the way, "zzztop acting like a five year old." Poof glared after the man. Vato Voltaire, Poof didn't like the man much, Voltaire had accidentally poured a jug of water on Poof's Grandmother at a party, and Poof had never forgotten it. Vato, being a very petty individual, had returned the dislike that Poof had for him equally, causing many of the other councilors to question his position in the council. Claus groaned, helping Poof up before turning down another corridor. He beckoned for Poof to follow him, which the boy did. These corridors were thinner, and more dimly lit. They twisted through corridor after corridor, back and forth and back again as they passed door after door, sometimes changing direction halfway down one corridor. There were remarkably few people in these corridors. Poof spotted a man stumbling down the corridor, tearing at bandages over his face in an attempt to change them without actually removing them, a man with two horrifying large spikes of hair protruding above his head and the number 2 painted on each cheek, trying to hide in the corner of the corridor while they passed, and an extraordinarily beautiful, pink haired fairy with a rather malicious glint in her eye and a knife hidden behind her back. Claus seemed to know where he was going, which more than Poof could say for any of the people they passed. When a particularly angry looking fat man in a monocle with what appeared to be a particularly disgruntled raven on his head passed them, Poof finally decided to speak.

"Mr Claus, where are we going?"

"Well Poof, you remember I said there was something I want to show you." he paused, "You're studying magic at school at the moment I assume."

"Yeah..."

"Yes well, that's why I gave you that wand. It's a training wand, only releases a small amount of magic, until you get the hang of what you're doing, you see?"

"No. Not really..."

"Good, good." Claus dismissed it, not really having heard what Poof had said.

"Err... so... How's life as head councilor?" Poof asked. Claus stopped, pricking up his ears, and pushing Poof out the way and through a door. Poof fell into a room filled with furniture covered in white cloths, and scrambled up, even as Claus slid the door closed. Poof gasped, scared and surprised by this development. He was about to open the door and say something, when he heard voices on the other side.

"You!"

"Ah, the whipping boy, glad to see you've finally made it out of that _sticky_ little predicament."

Poof gulped, neither voice sounded remotely like Claus, in fact, looking around, Poof noticed that Claus had just poofed up next to him, holding his finger to his lips. _That was so cool._

"Ha ha, very funny. No really, you astound me H." the other man bristled, looking around before speaking in a harsh whisper.

"Don't call me that. Not here."

"Why shouldn't I. It really is horrifically obvious whose side you're on. If I didn't hate the council so much I might actually tell someone, just to see the fun it would cause. Fact of the matter is that I only came here to rub it in your face."

"Rub what in my face?"

"My my you don't handle pressure well, I, my stupid non-pointy hatted, friend am here to reveal your secret."

"Secret?"

"You my dear H, are the traitor, and I intend to prove it, even if I have to go straight to Wakefield Claus himself." The man laughed, and a sterilized PING sound resounded around the hall as he disappeared. Poof peeked through the keyhole, catching sight of a figure in a long black cloak, that covered his face all together.

"Oh I think not." The man sneered, "For I have friends. And those friends are bigger and stronger and... err... taller than you. Oh so much taller." He turned, finishing his barrage of abuse targeted at thin air, before stomping off back the way he came. Poof turned on the spot, taking in the room before him, as he did so. He noticed that, as the room stretched on, the white clothing disappeared and it became a lavishly decorated room. The room was otherwise practically empty, save for a few scientists, who ignored the newcomers, and a mouse hole with a sign over it that read:

"**BEWARE: Experiment gone horribly wrong.** Don't touch mouse, if one bites you it becomes you."

And even more disturbingly than that was a sign scratched into the wall below:

"Mice gone to lunch. Be back whenever."

Poof pulled his eyes away from the mouse hole, peering through a glass wall and into the next room. There were men in black cloaks, a full Fairy World swat team and army unit guarding a particularly unsafe looking door at one end of that room, a heavy breathing sound came from within it and, as Poof watched, a scientist entered, opening the door and throwing a batch of dirty laundry in, which was eaten noisily, before being returned in pristine condition.

"Laundry room gamma," a nearby scientist muttered, "when will they learn that Knife drilling, bug headed demon spawn from the dread planet Arrrgh are not the right equipment to use to clean clothes?"

Poof looked away from the laundry room, in which a long tentacle like tongue had gripped one of the SWAT team by his unwashed sock, and was trying to wrench him (or at least his clothes) through the door. Poof stared around the room he was in a bit more, his eyes drawn to a huge glass cylinder at the back, in which lay a small human. The human looked about Poof's age and was one of the most disgusting things Poof had ever seen. He had expected, from what his teachers had taught him, the boy to look pinker, less feral. This boy was one of the clammiest, palest children Poof had ever seen. A pair of razor sharp fangs hung below his top lip and a top hat rested upon his head. His arms were chained to the top of the cylinder, and his legs, or rather the sixteen tentacles that hung down where his legs should be, had been chained to the bottom.

"Ah research lab 13.66613," Claus smiled wistfully as he walked up behind Poof, "The memories I have of this place. Oh the disasters it's caused."

"Mr Claus," Poof asked, pointing at the figure in the tube, "who's that?"

"That, Poof, is not a who, that is an it. Nega-Timmy, he's completely evil. I don't mean just an evil person I mean completely evil. It's quite literally all he's made of. A medical marvel so to speak."

"So, Why's he called Nega-Timmy?"

"Well Poof, you'd know that better than anyone wouldn't y..." he caught Poof's blank expression, "But you and Mr Turner were..." still nothing, "You really don't know?"

"Nope."

"Well then, I'll explain it as well as I can. You see, before your birth Fairies were not allowed to have Fairy babies by ruling of the Fairy council and, I must admit, it seemed a good thing at the time. But unfortunately that idiot Jorgen forgot to add it into the rule book and so a very stupid and irresponsible boy by the name of Timmy Turner wished for a Fairy baby for his godparents."

"What's this got to do with me?"

"That was the first Fairy baby born in millennia."

"Yeah, so?"

"His name was Poof."

"I don't get it." Claus sighed.

"You really are your fathers son. I'll get the video." He walked of and returned, moments later, with a dusty old movie player, which he threw high in the air, where it hung, floating, and began to play. A scratchy black and white film began, and Poof watched enthralled, as he saw his grandfather and the man's best friend for the first time.

"In order to truly understand the life of Timmy Turner," the tape began, "we must first go back to the horror of his godfather's father. Professor Amelius Haroldus Cosma, the man who would bring about the creation of a dastardly new race. Pictured here at work with his lab assistant and close personal friend, Red Montgomery Black, working on an unknown project." Poof stared at his grandfather. The man looked very much like his son, albeit slightly paler of complexion and with hair of darker tone. He wore on his chin a goatee, which set him slightly apart from his son, but little else was different in the form of hair. A pair of spectacles graced his nose, and a cold, calculating stare glimmered just behind his eyes, examining all it fell upon. Black was significantly taller than Cosma and his hair was tied back into a loose ponytail. A carefree grin played on his face that was almost as big as that of Hassian Orion, and Poof found him somewhat disconcerting. The video continued:

"Cosma was commissioned to complete an experiment by King Lilithantain VII of Fairy World in the fourth (1200th) year of the king's reign. He was challenged with designing an unbeatable battle suit which would spell an end to the Fourteenth Fairy-Pixie minor scuffle, or MS XIV. Instead, it seems that Cosma decided that world domination was more his forte. After experimenting for long, fruitless hours on his friend Creevey Clarion's young son he finally succeeded, using his own DNA, in creating his own personal army. A diabolical new species who came to be known as the Anti-Fairies. The parasitic new race spread quickly through Fairy World, assimilating the genetic material of all they met and using it to create evil copies of the creature. Despite the pleadings of his wife Mamoria Cosma, he did not relent, creating first the dastardly Anti-parasite Anti-Mike and then an Anti-beast of his own baby son. Kidnapping Clarion's son, in a vain attempt to harness the experimental powers of the boy, Amelius fled Fairy World, never to return. In the aftermath of this event, the enigmatic Mr Claus was elected to government, and pledged never to tell the younger generation, especially not the Cosma family of the fall of Amelius."

"Ooops..." Claus gulped, shrugging.

"Red Black, charged with helping Cosma, spent years in a minimum security prison, where he grew bitter. Upon release he endeavored to track down Timmy Turner, godchild of Cosmo and Wanda, Chosen one, 'defeater' of the Darkness and godbrother of one Poof Cosma," Poof gasped, he had heard of the Darkness, but had never imagined that he had had a part in it. "Upon finding, Turner, however, Black was easily thwarted, and his plot to avenge his old friend Amelius Cosma, is not even worth mentioning here. After this point, Turner faced inescapable press backlash, as the story of the Cosma's once again surfaced, and, on decision of the council, was removed from his Fairies. To save the grief of losing his god brother at such a tender age, Poof Cosma was never told."

"Darn!" shouted Claus. But Poof shushed him.

The video continued for many minutes, and Poof watched intently as it documented the career of Timmy Turner, from his high points such as fighting the Darkness and wishing for the first Fairy Baby, to the low points of wishing for a homicidal mailman, his teacher to stop believing in fairies, causing its near destruction and the infamous Super Toilet. When it had finished he stopped standing to his feet, and walking over to Mr Claus.

"Was that what you wanted to show me?" he asked, teary eyed as he contemplated the brother he had always wanted, but never remembered.

"No." Claus shrugged simply, "We are close though." He turned stomping back through the door, with Poof following him close behind.

From somewhere inside the dusty lab a bell chimed, an organ began to play in the background and a choir sang eerily. From the corner of the room, an old woman screeched out a warning, her bony arms reaching out before her like twigs in a breeze. Cackling madly she began to swirl her hands above her head, the choir singing becoming louder and louder.

From somewhere deep inside the council building, Nega-Timmy stirred, looking up at the old crone before him. A savage grin spread across his face.

The scientists of science lab 13.66613 looked at each other, wondering why they'd ever thought that inviting an evil witch to the lab would be a good idea.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own FOP. I am not Butch Hartman. Or at least I wasn't last time I looked, maybe I'll go check again.

A/N: read and review

**Chapter Four: BACK**

Our scene opens on an empty corridor. Well, mostly empty. There were a few tall 'Black Cloaks' standing against one wall, and a tiny, weedy looking red cloaked figure stood in front of them, checking his notes and tapping his watch in impatience. The three figures looked at him, their single collective eye investigating him, while the other two attempted to sniff the 'boy' out. The man gave a grin, as the closet they had been watching for the past hour opened and two figures fell out. Poof gasped in surprise as the light hit him, blinding him slightly. They had been walking in the tunnel for what seemed like a hours, but in actual fact it had been... well... hours. Claus straightened up, having had to duck, climbing out of the closet wasn't something you just did everyday... well... actually...

Claus was pushed out of his train of thought by his personal assistant, who passed him a holographic page and pulled back his hood, revealing his simpering, bespectacled and deeply pitted face. The man grinned, wringing his hands and giggling slightly.

"Poof," Claus smiled, "this my assistant Mr err... ah... oh..."

"Clark sir."

"Yes Mr... Clark. And your first name is?"

"Clark sir. Clark is my first name." The man giggled nervously, as though surprised that the man did not remember, he rubbed a hand across his smooth chin, and back through his gelled turquoise hair.

"Yes, well, Clark, I want you to take us to Lab Zero." The man giggled again.

"Excuse me for butting in sir," he smiled, although he had done no such thing, "but, ehe, we were not expecting," his face darkened, "_A child._ Ehe."

"Yes, well, I'm afraid he's the only reason I'm here. So you'd better make some changes around here. Now take this boy to the Machine."

Clark began to titter nervously, "Ehe he he he he," he turned, spotting the dark black cloaked figures behind him. He clicked his fingers impatiently, and the three of them joined in, adding their high pitched laughter to the chorus.

"Oh, very funny -ehe- sir, _Take the boy to the..._"

"I wasn't joking." Claus smiled gently, but his voice was shadowed by a dark anger, that bristled up and sent Clark reeling back.

"But, s-s-s-sir, y-you c-c-can't be -ehe- serious."

"I am."

"Sirrrr..." Clark whined, but, somehow catching Claus' stare despite the obscuring hood, trailed off. "Right away sir, Mr Claus, sir." He gave another little giggle and headed of down the corridor, flashing Poof a vicious smile as he passed. He lead the way, with Poof following him, Claus following him and the three black cloaked figures, after him.

"Of course," Clark began, "Fairy World as we lead the humans to believe is a simple place, a place of magic and wonder were you can change time and space willy-nilly without any adverse consequences. Of course in the 'real world', although we can, ehe, time travel the consequences of such if one is not careful would be dire enough to rip great chunks in reality and cast most of us into a post apocalyptic reality. Those who were not so lucky of course would fall off the mortal coil altogether, past death and into some kind of 'blank' universe. Ehe ehe ehe." His horrible fixed smile twitched slightly, obviously his joke had not been well received. Poof stared blankly at him, before turning to Mr Claus.

"Err, what's he talking about?" Claus was about to answer, when Clark cut across him, his voice sickeningly patronizing.

"Well I wouldn't expect a boy of your age to know P-oof." He spat slightly, "Basically we, ehe, lie to humans. We create a kind of hallucination that simulates the worst possible reality caused by their meddling and force them to set it back. Your young friend Mr Turner was one of the greatest offenders when it comes to meddling. Very tricky..." He smiled more widely, casting a murderous glimpse towards the boy as they headed down the corridor, round a corner and through an unmarked door into a similar, albeit smaller, corridor.

"Of course Poof," Claus whispered urgently, "I could just as well have used the main corridors to get here and we would've arrived twice, no, thrice as quickly. But, I must admit I like the quiet tranquility of the so called 'weirdo' corridors."

Poof smiled uncomfortably. OK so maybe Wakefield Claus was a screaming weirdo, but who cared, he'd seen a lot worse in those corridors, the memory of 'Nega-Timmy' alone was enough to give him nightmares.

"Oh, don't worry Poof," Claus smiled, as if reading his mind, "Nega-Timmy has been in that tube for human centuries, and he's only ever escaped once, although there were an awful lot of disappearances back then. I'll tell you some other time, makes a frightfully good ghost story, don't ya know." Poof shivered, he hated ghost stories and this day was seriously beginning to creep him out. He was so creeped out in fact that he didn't even notice, as Claus obliviously regaled him with gory stories and Clark smirked in pleasure at his obvious discomfort, when they walked straight into _the door_. Or rather Clark walked straight into _the door_ with a satisfying crunch and a snapping of glasses. _The door _in question was huge, standing at least ten times as high as a door had any right to be. It had been built by Spritish workmen during a time of particular social upheaval and was decorated with pictures of Fairies beating up Pixies, Dragons, Anti-fairies and other hideous abominations, before being rounded on by the lot and beaten into a bloody, stinking pulp. This uninspiring story was then tied off by a message.

"Use yer own damn door for yer engravings ya pointy hatted jerks." Poof read, lovely.

"It's not my favourite door, granted," Claus said, "but it was cheap, so we couldn't not buy it."

"L-lousy freaking door," Clark growled, before regaining that same sickly grin and straightening his glasses. He slicked his hair back, and with a little click of his fingers, two of the cloaked figures stumbled towards the door, one of them reaching out and grabbing their 'shared' ear off of the other, and attaching it to their own ear. Clark gulped, sensing the danger of that particular action and hurrying Claus, and, on second thoughts, Poof, through the door.

"BEHOLD!" Claus bellowed, throwing his head back, "LAB ZERO!" Poof stared around him, the lab was unexplainabley complex and unbelievably large. Numerous scientist of varying levels of intelligence and nerdyness stood around blackboards and machines, checking through holographic tables of information. Hearing Claus' voice, every figure in the room stopped what they were doing and, with a mechanical series of clicks, an incredibly tall man with no nose and an exceptionally detailed face whirled out to meet him. The man wore a long, black, studded leather trench coat (if such a thing existed) and a long pointed witch's hat. He gave a toothy grin to Clark, who he towered over, and reached inside his cloak.

"Clark," the man spoke with an odd, slightly oriental accent, "I have good news. It is complete. It is ready. Soon we will be able to..." He reeled when he spotted Poof, clicking a button on his sleeves. As he did so a series of wires, that had rolled out from a giant bobbin on his back, pulled tight, wrenching him off the ground and away to a table nearby. Three other men were also standing around this table, and they were, if he included the people in the corridors, not quite the weirdest people he had ever met. Claus looked towards Clark questioningly, before heading towards the table.

"Who are you?" Claus growled suspiciously, "And when on earth did I hire men who go don't want me to know what they're doing?"

"Cazak Caraz," grinned a gravely voiced pixie with an exceptionally crooked back, "head of experiment 9."

"Sapek Hotep," came a muffled voice from somewhere within a sarcophagus, "magical expert of experiment 9."

"Malachi Horsefly," the tall witch nodded, "scientist working on experiment 9."

"Cosmodius," a whisper came from the final figure, a tall, black cloaked man who was smoking a cigarette, despite the no smoking policy of the building, "bureaucrat assigned to experiment 9."

"And just what is experiment 9?" Claus asked indignantly.

"Time machine," came the voice from inside the sarcophagus.

"Yes," Malachi grinned, "the only real time machine in Fairy World, at that. Think how much more useful we could be to the human race, if we could only travel through time without expending all our magic!"

"And just what," Claus growled,"were you trying to show..."

"Clark?"

"Exactly." Malachi looked this way and that, before reaching into his cloak and retrieving a long, rust coloured wand.

"A rusty wand?" Poof asked, staring at it inquisitively.

"Hardly," Caraz glowered, "It's a mechanism that will allow the user to travel in time completely paradox free. Should it be perfected a godparent would even be able to restore the memories of a mind wiped child with no adverse effects to the children. Of course, human contact to it would be strictly forbidden. The creatures just aren't strong enough."

"Well," Cosmodius laughed, "you'd certainly know about that sort of thing wouldn't you."

Caraz ignored this comment, getting to his feet and pressing a button, as if by magic, which it almost certainly was, a gigantic machine appeared before Poof's very eyes.

"Yesss..." Sapek hissed, "it is so beautiful is it not."

"Why yes it is," a nearby scientist smiled warmly at Poof, "say, I reckon that with this thing you could pinpoint an exact time and location..."

"...Not quite..."

"...And find out all sort of things," he winked, "and if he were to travel to Dimmsdale on the 21st century or something to that effect," he winked again, "and were to meet a boy by the name of Timmy Turner, then he could see, and maybe even get to know, his older brother."

"What are you doing?" Clark hissed.

"N-nothing, sir," the man backed off, "just got something in my eye."

Poof stared at the man as he passed, and the scientist smiled, dropping a note before walking into a nearby crowd of scientists. Poof looked around and, when sure that everyone was looking at the machine, bent down, carefully scooping up the note and uncrumpling it. It read:

_Dear Poof_

_I am throwing you a line here. It is imperative that you travel to the past and find Timmy Turner. Things in Fairy World are not as they seem. The council must be saved. Mr Turner is our last hope. Find him, bring him here and stop Mr H. Do it, or Fairy World may not last another year._

Poof raised one eyebrow, pocketing the letter before Clark could see it, and stepping towards the machine. The three overzealous scientists were rushing around pointing at various parts of the machine, telling a rather disinterested Claus how to work the machine and how to set it into giga-super-megadrive, a setting that did nothing, but sounded cool. Claus, shuffled over to Poof, reaching inside his cloak and pulling out a second present.

"There you go Poof," Claus chuckled, "only just remembered that one. It's something very special to me, so keep it close." Poof looked down at the package in his hands. It was a small thing and seemed to be some sort of book. He didn't know why but he felt he shouldn't open it yet. Maybe it was just silly, or maybe it was the note taped to the front that read 'do not open'. Either way, he simply shuffled it to one side, pocketing it with a slight gesture. He stared around a bit more, vaguely taking in his surroundings as he listened to Caraz explain how the machine worked, setting it to a certain date and, after a suggestion from Malachi, Fairy World Council buildings main entrance. Claus watched, mildly impressed, and was just about to say something when an alarm bell rang behind him.

"Ooh, Snack break!" Caraz grinned. He got up, grinning crookedly and both he and Malachi began to head towards the door.

"What?" Clark shrieked, "This is a project of unbelievable power and you're just going to leave it for a snack break?"

"Well duh." Malachi growled, still trailing wires, "Scientists get hungry to ya know." With that he turned and, along with almost every other scientist in the room, poofed away. Claus turned to Poof for a second, completely ignoring Clark, who seemed to be attempting to make some sort of complaint about the scientists behaviour.

"I'm afraid that this is really where our tour ends Poof," Claus rubbed the back of his head, "If there's anything you want from the candy machine, I'll be glad to bring it out for you but after I get back you'll really have to be getting back to your parents." He smiled sadly, before poofing out, with Clark close on his tail.

Poof looked around, the room was now empty, except for the sarcophagus in front of him and, judging from the fact that its occupant was still requesting help to get out of it from fellow scientists, he couldn't see anything. Poof walked up to the large silver machine, did they really need him to go back in time to help the council? It would explain why Mr Claus had bought him here, and why that scientist had left the note.

Poof took a step towards the machine, it was colder in here now, and he could hear a faint tapping, but he dismissed it. He reached out for the Metal wand, picking it up, all without being heard by the imprisoned mummy ("Hey, c'mon you guy's, I need a break too!")

And then there was that discussion he had heard between that Mr H, and another figure. He didn't know what was going on here, but it was clear to him that Mr H was pure evil, and had to be stopped.

He had to be stopped.

And Poof was going to be the one who stopped him.

Poof stepped inside the machine, it wasn't going to be that difficult, after all he could just travel back once he stopped Mr H. He would only be gone for a couple of seconds. Still, Poof had to admit he was at least slightly nervous, he screwed his eyes up, clutching the metal wand tightly for fear of dropping it, and reached out. He touched the button labeled 'BACK', and disappeared in a flash of light. Above this scene, watching the proceedings from a metal walkway, a figure grinned, rubbing his snake-like tongue across a fang. He gave a harsh hiss and, after crawling down the wall, without the use of his hands, the creature had slithered into the machine. He gave a laugh, pressing the, "FOLLOW" button and disappearing in a similar flash of purple light.

A minute later, Wakefield Claus re-entered the lab, two ice-creams held in his hands.

"Here we go, Poof, two chocolate ice..." he tailed off, seeing the smoke that was still rising from the Time-machine, "Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no..."


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Fairly Odd Parents is not mine. Me no own. Butch Hartman does.

**Chapter Five: The boy, the party and that one weird guy in an army jacket**

Poof wandered aimlessly through the pitch black halls of Fairy World council building, not knowing where he was going or why the heck he had bothered to travel back in time in a machine which he had no idea how to use. He could barely see for three feet in front of him as he pushed onwards, feeling the walls to give him some sense of where he was actually going. He had seen a few familiar faces outside, all dressed in weird frilly dresses and suits that were, even for this time, really, really uncool. They seemed to be going somewhere, but he had no idea where. Unfortunately getting them to notice him hadn't really been a good idea.

("Hi I'm Poof. Where are you going?" he had said

"What! You think I_'m crazy? You are not Poof. Poof is not ten, Poof is four. I _should know_. Now begone!" _Was the reaction he had gotten from a rather uncomfortable looking Jorgen VonStrangle in a suit at least three sizes too small.)

He shivered, pulling his jacket tightly around him. Obviously this part of the council building hadn't been heated yet. He gulped, hearing a scratching on the walls behind him and remembering those stories about the mice he'd heard. He could hear muttering in the corridors ahead of him and, coming from a room with a sign on the door saying 'Lunatic inside, please do not enter.' He shrugged, everyone in Fairy World was a lunatic. He opened the door to see another door behind it, with yet another sign.

"'Seriously, do not enter. Do not listen in'" He read, opening this door, to reveal yet another. "'May the power of twenty-four compel you'. Man this guy really is crazy." He pulled open this door. "Okay, listen in, sir. But, do not enter." Poof shrugged, pushing his ear up against the door.

"... But how do we know that we can trust Magician anymore than we can trust Mr H?"

"We do not, Drammer."

"So why should we do what he says?"

"We have been summoned. Personally requested for the good of Master Claus."

"But what of Cosmo." Poof gasped, hearing his father's name

"Everyone must make sacrifices."

"But I still don't think..." the man paused for a moment, "That someone should be listening in at the door. Come in boy." Poof shrugged, pushing the door open, this time it was the last door there, and walking into the room. The room was virtually empty, save for a few computers, a small circular table and two men. He instantly recognized both. He had seen them in the corridors of the council building just hours before/ years later. One of them was the man with the bandaged face, the other the man with the spikes of hair, and the twos on his cheek. The man with the bandages flinched, throwing his green hood over his 'face'.

"How much have you heard?" he asked as his friend cowered behind the table.

"Nothing," Poof gasped hurriedly, shaking his head violently.

"Good. Now what is your name?" Poof stared, this man had mentioned Mr H, he couldn't trust him. He had to come up with a fake name.

"Err Poof... I mean, _Peter _Cosma err... Danderscot?" _God, _Poof thought, _what a lame name._ Even his dad could do better.

"Peter Cosma-Danderscot, weird." the bandaged man mused, "Well, everyone here has stupid names anyway. My name is Leonus Drammer, for example. My friend here," he pointed at the shaking figure under the table, "is Jezediah Kante."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Jezediah screamed, "I could just about stand having three people in this room! But this is much to far! It is Jezediah Khante! Kante has an odd number of letters! You missed the silent H! AND NOW I'M NOT EVEN COUNTING MY WORDS NOW BECAUSE I'M SO STRESSED! AND JUST NOW I USED AN ODD NUMBER!" He collapsed on the floor, apparently crying.

"Err, you must be looking for the party." Leonus groaned.

"Err yes."

"Well we're not welcome there. And you're not welcome here. So if you would like to simply leave here and turn left, then you will get back to where you are wanted." Poof smiled weakly, stepping out of the doorway nervously and closing it behind him. Curiously he only had to close one door.

"Well Leonus," Jezediah gasped, getting back on to his chair and nervously fixing his heavily number covered suit, "I had no idea that Poof was so old, now."

"Poof? That wasn't Poof Jezediah. Poof is five,in,err, human years, it is his birthday party tonight."

"Really Leonus," Jezediah grinned evenly (that is evilly but more even), "I take it that you have not checked your DNA scanner, hmmm." Leonus looked down, the DNA tracker on his hip was bleeping.

"Attention Mr Drammer," came a voice from one of the odd little gadgets clipped to Leonus' cloak, "This is Warrenwinter, I am informing you that there are currently two Poof Cosma's in Fairy World. Check it out, or I'll have you fired for impersonation you fake." _Great, _Leonus thought, _another madman telling me what I should be doing_.

"Come on," Leonus growled, getting up, "we need that boy."

"B-b... b-but, that is outside." Jezediah grabbed, "There are people, three hundred and fifty seven people to be exact. Not an even number in there. They don't even multiply properly together. And now I'm thinking odd!" He screamed, and Leonus slapped him.

"You're a soldier now Jezediah, pull yourself together. Now, get your wand, stay away from, mirrors and DON'T let them touch you!" He grimaced, pulling a large Bazooka out from under his cloak, and priming a shotgun, a two submachine-guns, a flamethrower and three pistols just in case. "Touching can be fatal." He pulled his lucky axe out as well. He walked over to the door, going to pull it open.

"Could we not take the secret passage there."

"Fine," Leonus growled, walking away from the door and turning towards Jezediah.

...

Poof walked into the party a couple of minutes later and got the shock of his life. Sitting in a highchair at the end of one of the tables, was himself. He looked around in surprise, everyone had paired up and was dancing to some slushy rubbish that had been cool at the time, err, make that _was _cool. Jorgen VonStrangle, despite having difficulty breathing, was trying to dance with the Tooth Fairy. Mama Cosma was dancing with Wakefield Claus, she was stepping on everyone's feet and seemed quite nervous.

"Errm, You know I'm not looking to date, because, I've already been married."

"Oh don't worry Ms Cosma," Claus laughed, "I've got to dance some time, and I'd rather dance with a normal woman than one of those council nuts." He motioned over to Vato Voltaire, who, after attempting to woo some pretty young woman, was being dragged out by an irate wife who no one knew he had ("Ow, ow,ow, let go of my ear woman," SLAP, "I mean honey..."). Scorpio Capricorn was over in the corner, trying to avoid knife swings from an angry woman with a large knife.

"You're a crazy person," he shouted.

"Just you wait until the slow song," she growled. "I'll get you then." Nearby, Wanda smiled, Persova Wanding had been trying to kill Scorpio for years, fortunately though, Scorpio was a better fighter than a thinker, and could hold his own against her.

Poof walked over to the snack bar, passing the scientists of lab zero. Malachi, Cazak and Sapek glowered at each other, staring across the room at the only still available woman. The boring and bookwormish Mildly Dull.

"Don't even think about it," Cazack spat, looking over at Malachi.

"Hey what about..."

"SHUT UP SAPEK!"

Poof, finished getting snacks and turned around, upon which his eyes were assaulted by the most horrible vision he could ever see. His mom, Wanda, had been cornered by the obnoxiously charming Juandissimo Magnifico, the obnoxiously boring Sanderson and the just plain obnoxious Clark.

"Sooo Wanda," Juandissimo grinned, holding Cosmo at arms length, "finally we are alone. And now my eyes have set upon your beautiful face, I feel in my bones that I must dance with you."

"I know you've -ehe- already made your choice of husband," Clark grinned, "but I just want you to know that I hold a massive amount of political sway, make about a million a year and am not too petty to use force to secure a dance."

"Mrs Cosma, I just want you to know that your 'Pixies are better than my husband tax' has not yet been payed. If you wish to give me the money now, I will be willing to remove your unwanted courters. Word." Poof ground his teeth and rose his training wand. No one messed with his mom. No one.

...

Seconds later a trap door opened in the ground and, from this trap door came both Jezediah and Leonus. Both men looked around themselves and their blood ran cold, as they found themselves in the middle of the dance floor.

"We're doomed," Jezediah whined, his eyes rolling back in his head as he began to hyperventilate. Leonus calmed him, wincing slightly and looking around him. His throat ran dry.

"I think... I think," he faltered, "we need to dance our way out." He turned throwing one of his shotguns over to Jezediah to free his hands and, with a gulp, grabbed a nearby woman, spinning away from the middle of the dance floor with a wretch. Jezediah put his head in his hands and fell to his knees. He watched under the legs of the dancers as the boy they were after raised his (oddly familiar) training wand and pointed it at an unbelievably sexy fairy. He fired off a blast of magic but, misjudging the amount and direction slightly, caused the punch bowl directly behind him to lift off the ground and fire directly at Sanderson, Juandissimo and Clark. Jezediah gave a shrill squeak.

It had hit an odd number of people.

He watched as Leonus stumbled out of the dance floor, two cloaks in shreds and gasping in fear. It was horrible, he turned his head, staring at the disco ball high above him, and catching a glimpse of his reflection. One glimpse. He gasped, and quickly turned his head away.

One was bad, all odd numbers were, but one was especially bad. Jezediah could see that. He saw the correlation of the world, numbers were key. He could see it. He was the only one who could. He shivered and whimpered on the floor, twisting and writhing until a foot came down on his leg. A single foot. In the back of Jezediah's mind, something snapped.

Poof gulped, backing away from the three furious men. Juandissimo grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, lifting him off his feet.

"I really hope you have a good reason for soaking my beautiful body," he growled "for now, you have ruined my beautiful tan... I mean hair." He gave a winning smile and lifted his fist, ready to punch the boys face in, in another horribly vain attempt to impress Wanda.

Suddenly the room was filled with gunshots and Juandissimo, Sanderson and Clark were caught in a stampede of people rushing off of the dance floor. Wanda pushed against the wall and Poof gulped, trying desperately to pull himself to his feet. He looked up at Wanda, and she stared down at him, a mixture of fear and sadness on her face. She felt that she could knew him, but she couldn't quite understand why he just, seemed familiar. The surge of fairies stopped and, in the center of the dance floor, Jezediah Khante dropped the smoking shotgun. A little bit of rubble fell on his head where he had shot his bullets at the ceiling. Leonus staggered to his feet, stumbling around like a drunk, and primed his own guns, training them all on Poof. Jezediah growled, his eyes filled with madness. A wicked grin spread across his face.

"Stop now," he screamed, "I can't take it! Do not move Poof. Stay where you are!" He aimed his gun, firing at the boy, the shot went horribly wide, but suddenly, Poof felt the eyes of everyone in the room on him. Wanda stared at the boy, she didn't believe it, but it was Poof, she just knew it. Poof turned, Leonus and Jezediah where closing in on him, as were Juandissimo, Clark and Sanderson, a ginger man in a green suit and a golden monocle and a huge figure in a black cloak. He looked around, but all exits were barred. All but one. Poof turned, jumping out of the window in a flurry of purple hair and shattered glass, and fell to Earth with a scream. Jezediah collapsed to the floor and Leonus ran over to him, kneeling down next to the man and shouting for medical aid. Claus walked up to the man with the monocle, looking over at the Black cloaked figures who now filled the hall, and nodding. In a flash every last one of them, including Jorgen VonStrangle, who had donned a similar cloak, disappeared. Claus turned to the monocled man, beckoning to Wanda to join them.

"That was Poof wasn't it?" Wanda asked.

"'Fraid so," Claus growled, "Wanda, what do you think could possibly have caused Poof to come back in time, cause several million dollars in property damage and put two of my best operatives into a nervous breakdown."

"Err... it must be something to do with Timmy," Wanda said. It was the only reason she could see for Poof to come back to this particular time.

"Hmm... yes... that seems... likely." The monocled man, Hamlet Green mused.

"But that could have catastrophic consequences," Claus growled. "Go to Earth, both of you, find Poof and bring him back. Take Scorpio with you." Green muttered something, before slowly fading out of the room. Wanda turned to her husband.

"Cosmo, we're leaving."

...

On Earth, in a massive country separating North Mexico and South Mexico by the name of Tibecuador, strode some weird guy in an army jacket. He walked through the deserts of Tibecuador with the aid of a stick, scattering the sand around him with his feet, as though pushed by some great presence. He was so commanding that the Tibecuadorian tribe who had adopted him had named him 'Big Bossofyou', and he had thus given himself the name of Tommy Bossofyou as he couldn't for the life of him remember his second name. He looked up at the sky, and dropped his cane abruptly as he saw a child pass straight over his head, smoking slightly and holding a small green wand and a large, rusty-red one. But that was not the weirdest thing about the kid, the weirdest thing was that the boy's hair was purple, and topped by a golden crown.

"Hold on weird kid," the man shouted, running towards where the boy was going to land, "I'm coming."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I'm even using my brothers account to write this XD. Yeah, that's right, I'm a ghost in the wire.

A/N: This is a message from Twisted Strings OCs, we are legion, you cannot stop us so don't even try, believe us, most of us are necessary.

**Chapter Six: Timmy**

3am in Dimmsdale, and at the Turner home, Timmy's dad was leaving in order to go to his first of his many, many jobs. Begging. Mr Turner sighed, sometimes he wished he could spend some more time with his son but, alas, work was more important, and Mr Turner was currently spending all of his time in the demanding yet pointless promotion to pencil un-sharpener. It was his job to return broken or small pencils to standard, unsharpened size. If he worked really hard, Mr Turner guessed, he might even get promoted to Stripe width designer, the guy who decided how many stripes had to be put on each pencil. That was a high-profile job and, at only a small pay dock, he could work twice as many hours for half as much money. Mr Turner whistled as he headed towards his car, threw open the door, and almost sat on the fifteen year old boy who had been sitting in the driver's seat, waiting for him.

"Ah, Timmy," Mr Turner grinned, backing away as if he had just seen a ghost, "what a surprise. An unexpected surprise."

"What's that supposed to mean," Timmy glared.

"Uh, nothing. It' just so unwanted, err, I mean, good. It's a good surprise. One of those... good, unwanted surprises that you really don't want but are really... thrilled... to get." Timmy rolled his eyes. "Well, err, I've got to go to work, so... have fun at school..." He tried to pull Timmy out of the car, but the boy wasn't budging, he tried putting a foot on the car seat, and then both feet, but Timmy just wasn't budging.

"You promised we were gonna spend some time together today." Timmy said, his voice wasn't loud or angry, but it was still kind of intimidating.

"But it's a school day." Timmy's dad began to sweat, rubbing the back of his head as he tried to find someway out of spending the morning, evening or even a minute away from work and with his son.

"I know. I'm reminding you now so you don't forget."

"Forget what." Mr Turner grinned stupidly.

"Err... You were going to spend time with me." Mr Turner grinned, Timmy had just said the dreaded line, and now victory was imminent.

"But Timmy," Mr Turner grinned, "I am spending time with you!" With that he finally managed to prize Timmy out of the car, jumped in and drove off down the road, laughing at a private joke. Or possibly he was just really happy. Or maybe he was just a jerk. He gave a sigh of relief and readjusted the wing mirror. Boy, that kid was getting harder to avoid, soon Mr Turner might have to choose between his jobs. What did he like more, he wondered, begging, scrounging or Pencil Un-sharpening? He grinned, sure he liked Timmy, but kids could just be so annoying. Think about it, they needed food, clothing, attention and caring for. Timmy was fifteen, and he still needed it. Timmy didn't seem to get that money was needed for all of those things, and that was why Mr Turner willingly sacrificed eighteen hours a day, for pathetic wages he might add, at wonderful, wonderful work. Mr Turner looked back at Timmy, who rolled his eyes again and headed back towards the house. Mr Turner smiled, what a great kid.

...

A few hours later, sometime near midday, the door of the house on the corner of the street opened, and a tall brown haired man stepped out. The man grinned to himself, adjusting his crescent moon shaped glasses and petting the small purple parrot that he kept inside his coat. Bending down to pick up his newspaper as he stepped out. He sniffed the air, summer, oh how he loved summer on Earth. His smile faltered as he passed by the house of the evil, and rather ugly, Mr Crocker, he turned up his nose as he did so, and caught a disapproving grimace from the houses occupant. Amadeus Con grinned forcedly back, secretly wishing that that weirdo would disappear. Amadeus began walking again, coolly pulling a cup of stone cold tea and an umbrella out of his incredibly deep pockets. He furrowed his brow, what was he doing here? Anywhere in the world was a more intelligent place to be. And that was his exact reason for being here, no one would ever find him. His name, his reason, his entire life, was of unintelligence. That was to say that it was because everyone in Dimmsdale were idiots, and that no one would ever find him. It was his greatest asset. His greatest disguise.

Although, at that particular moment, his greatest asset would probably been to look where he was going, as humans could not walk through lampposts, and he hit it with spectacular force. Several minutes later he woke, got up and carried on as though nothing had happened. He turned into Dimmsdale high, walking into a class of Dimmsdaleans who had been waiting for him to arrive for the past ten minutes. Mr Con was late.

"Good morning," Con grinned, "How is everyone, good good, lovely. Everyone have a nice holiday? No no wait, don't answer that. OK, anyone go anywhere nice? How was the weather?" A black boy on the front row raised his hand, "Yes AJ, and how may I help you?"

"Err, Mr Con, aren't you supposed to be teaching us?" Amadeus smiled.

"Why yes, AJ, yes I am, and I can see Francis at the back there practicing his strangling, so I'd keep away from him for now," he winked, "good job your a fast runner, eh AJ?" He turned around, "So. Anyone not done their homework?" half the class raised their hands, "Well." Con said, his voice radiating that kind of sarcasm that really annoys everyone (you know the kind), "aren't we a bunch of shining stars today. Mr McBadbat, would you please collect the papers of those of you who actually did the homework. Now, on to biology." He sat back, smiling and closing his eyes and put his feet up on the desk, removing the parrot from his coat and placing it on its perch before starting his lecture. At the back of the class, Timmy shivered. There was something scary about that bird, a blue and purple parrot with large beady eyes and well-groomed feathers. It regarded him through one eye and muttered something to its master.

"Would Ms Tang please stop chewing gum." Amadeus said, despite the fact his eyes were closed. That parrot was like an extra pair of eyes.

"How does he do that?" Timmy muttered to Chester as the blond boy passed.

"I do that Mr Turner," Con grinned, stopping his lecture "because I am a very good teacher, and a very good listener. So if you would mind listening, I shall continue." He continued for the rest of his hour lecture, before letting the class out. Timmy was just about to leave, when Con's eerie, slightly British voice echoed after him. There was something familiar about that voice.

"Timothy, would you mind staying awhile. I have something I want to say to you." Timmy turned around, and stomped back into the center of the classroom.

"Timmy," Amadeus began, "Do you know what today's lecture was about?" Timmy wracked his mind, had Con finally twigged that he hadn't been listening? "It was about mammals and how they adapt to suite their environment, Timmy, but that's not important, think of it as, a pop quiz. No, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about." He got up and ran a finger along the desk where Timmy had been sitting. "Dust. Dust Timmy, you can scrub and clean as much as you like, but you never get rid of all of it."

"What's cleaning got to do with science?"

"Everything." Con muttered, "You just think about that." He grinned as he waved out Timmy.

"Oh, and Timmy."

"Yes."

"How are your Blubber hounds, doing?"

"My what?"

"Dogs Timmy."

"I don't have any dogs." Con's smile grew.

"Oh. Pity, they are really lovely dogs. Now off with you, or you'll miss your next lesson." He turned away from Timmy, who shrugged, and headed out the door.

"Well Andy," Amadeus grinned, petting the parrot, "Looks like we've found our boy." He began to walk towards his office at the side of the room.

"Won't be much longer now until my master plan comes together. Not long at all."

...

Tommy shuffled down the aisle of the coach, and sat down next to the purple haired boy. He didn't know who this boy was, where he came from or how he survived his rather astounding fall. He didn't know either, what was so important about Dimmsdale, or why it sounded so familiar, and he certainly didn't know why this boy had weird bulges under the blanket that he had wrapped himself in, or what was with that little fancy dress style crown. He did know one thing though, he wasn't letting the boy go it alone.

"Hey sport," Tommy smiled, "how you doing?" No response. "Hey, why do you want to leave so early, Ma wouldn't mind if you stayed a while." The boy shook his head. "Well you can just go all the way to California on your own. What would your parents think." Poof wondered, just what would his parents think. Well, his dad would be OK with it, but his mom would hate it.

Poof shrugged.

"Well then," Tommy grinned, "I'll just have to come with you then, won't I?"

...

Evening in Dimmsdale, and Timmy slowly made his way home, accompanied by his three best friends, Chester, AJ and Mark Chang, and his long-time stalker, Tootie. He opened the door to his house and invited the three boys, and, with a scowl, the one girl, in for dinner.

"Your inviting _me_ in!" Tootie beamed.

"Well, you always break in anyway," Timmy growled, causing Tootie to blush slightly, "letting you in saves the windows. Just, don't come near me, and I won't take out another restraining order." Timmy walked in, and was greeted by his mom's voice, coming in from the kitchen.

"Oh, Timmy, is that you? I'm afraid your father won't be joining us tonight."

"Figures." Timmy grumbled, entering the kitchen and getting the shock of his life.

"And neither will I," said his mothers face from the screen of the somewhat creepy metal android. "We've gone out to the Cake 'n' Bacon for the evening. I've left your dinner in the freezer, feel free to bring friends around, but they'll just have to get their own dinners. Bye sweetie, Mommy loves you." The screen cut out, and the android fell into bits.

"Wow," Chester said, trying not to laugh at Mrs Turner's last comment "Your life sucks. And I know sucking, I live in a trailer!" Timmy nodded, opening the freezer and removing the rock solid block of broccoli, spinach and liver pie, that his mom had left him.

"Dude," Mark grinned, jumping to his feet and drifting over to Timmy, "What is that, like, totally disgusting smell." Timmy gasped, pulling away from Mark, he already had one weirdo slathering over him (Tootie), he didn't need two. He backed off, until his back hit the wall and was just about to say something, when he noticed something familiar on the fridge door.

A scribbling of a green haired man. It was nothing to get excited about. But still, it unnerved Timmy. Which was stupid, it was a kid's drawing.

Just a kid's drawing. Of a man. Who looked almost exactly like...

Amadeus Con.

...

Tommy's eyes sagged, the drive had been going on for hours, by now it was dark, and they weren't even out of the depressingly repetitive desserts of Tibecuador. He groaned sleepily, slumping in his seat. The strange boy had been asleep for hours, and Tommy was beginning to wonder why he was doing this. It wasn't like his parents minded, he had already let them, and his little brother, Timmiviev, know that he was going to the US for a few weeks. But, he had only just met this boy, why was he helping him? He yawned. Maybe he was just a helpful guy. And then, suddenly, he fell asleep.

"Welcome," a voice said from in front of him, he looked up suddenly, finding himself in the desserts of Tibecuador. He reached for his cell phone, but couldn't find it in his army jacket, he couldn't even find his army jacket, both were gone. He looked around for the voice, and saw a figure in front of him, a short, muscular bald man, with a mask on his face. The mask was basically a sheet of metal, with no apparent eye or mouth holes. A massive 9 was carved into the mask, and he sported a similar tattoo on his arm. Next to him stood a man and a woman in similar masks, this time with a 4 and 5 carved in. The woman was sleek and grey haired and the man even taller than the woman, and was swathed in a green cloak. All had wings. Tommy stared at them, and raised his eyebrows.

"Err, who are you guys?" He asked.

"We?" 9 smiled sadly, "We are 12."

"Err, what are you doing in my dream."

"What do you think we're doing?"

"Standing there, freaking me out."

"Wrong. We are here to talk to you, Mr Turner."

"My names not Mr Turner."

"Not exactly," 9 groaned, taking a deep breath, "You see, you are not Tommy Bossofyou, your name is Tommy Turner and you are the older brother of Timmy Turner. You live in a country invented by that exact boy and the boy sitting next to you is named Poof Cosma, he is a fairy, the same species as us."

"In fact," 4 began, "not even that is correct. You were wished up, created, by Timmy Turner, using the reconstituted soul of Tom Cecil Noel, a British fighter pilot shot down in the closing months of the first world war." Tommy stared at the three figures.

"You're insane," he gave a chortle, "completely bonkers."

"Yes," said 5, raising a small pen like device, with a green light, up to his face. There was a flash, and Tommy's eyes went blank.

"Now," 9 began, hissing slightly as he spoke "Mr Timmy Turner has become a security hazard, you will find Mr Turner. And stop him from remembering, if you cannot... kill him... or I will do it personally. I GILLIGAN HORRORS!"

5 and 4 glared at him.

"I shouted my name again right..."

...

On top of a hill near Dimmsdale, seven cloaked figures looked down. Hamlet Green turned to the others.

"Before we make our move," Green growled, "we must assess the situation. Yes, it may seem that we can go straight down their and capture Timmy Turner, or kill him, or stop Poof. But, appearances can be deceptive, we must assess from afar. Be ever vigilant, watchful..."

"Why don't we just attack, Hamlet." Scorpio glared at Green. Nearby to them the four black cloaked figures shuffled their feet impatiently. Three faces were covered by hoods, the forth was not. Bleak, sunken eyes stared out through a thin, pointed face that bore a striking resemblance to one Cazack Caraz, and the boy gave a short giggle, twitching slightly.

"W-w-w-why, 3000, d-don't, 3001, w-w-weeee, 3002, attack, 3003, Haaammlet." The boy shivered, and a nearby black cloak put an arm around him, shaking his shoulder slightly as the boy repeated the question, again and again, the numbers growing bigger and bigger. He had been mind wiped. Far to much, or so it seemed.

"Patience, Scorpio, these things cannot be rushed, as it is we have now missed the optimum window of attack by 9.3 seconds." Scorpio groaned.

"Someone order a pizza." he said.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of FOP, I do however own the twenty or so OCs of the story, most of them important.

A/N: In this chapter I introduce Claus' daughter, she isn't really that important in this fic, but is essential for its sequel, so I decided to introduce her anywhere.

**Chapter 7: The Really, Really, Really Pointless Fight Scene Chapter (Part One)**

Wakefield Claus steepeled his fingers and stared down his long dinner table at his remaining head councilors. It had, for as long as he remembered, been a council tradition for him to have dinner with them once a week. He had to admit at this particular moment, he envied Scorpio and Hamlet, who were on Earth and far, far away. As for himself, he was stuck sitting round the table with the (ambiguously) gay fairy of love, the Tooth Fairy, who had, luckily, not been able to bring her husband, the two remaining Fairy councilors, and his spoilt, pompous daughter. He sighed, Capulet Claus, a short, stick thin girl with frizzy green hair, who he had been stuck with since a certain relationship, that hadn't quite gone as he had planned.

"DADDY!" Capulet screamed, "Vato still hasn't passed the peas, I asked him but he said he was using them and MAKE HIM PASS THEM!" Vato glared at her, his pupils turning red and everyone around him complaining as lightening bounced off of the walls around him, as it always did when he was angry.

"Onze I 'ave vinished you zzzpoilt brat." Vato shouted.

"'Puli, please, daddy's trying to work," Wakefield groaned, before turning towards Cupid and continuing to speak.

"As I was saying, would it be possible to for us to use your jets to track down Poof?"

"Look, Claus, I already told your assistant that **I **only use **my** personal army to spread _fabulous_ love across the world. Whether by force or not, I really don't care." Cupid sat back and began to file his nails.

"My assistant..." Wakefield said, wracking his brains, "Mr... Clark. Yes Clark. Where is he anyway?"

"No idea," Cupid grinned, "Isn't he with VonStrangle?"

"VonStrangle... Jorgen." Wakefield mused, "Yes. I need to speak with Jorgen." He got up, ignoring his daughter's complaints about Vato's lightening, and stalked out of the room, several red cloaked figures following him out.

"Zenile old creep," Vato growled, as Capulet snatched the peas off of him with her training wand, "can't even remember who works for him."

"He's not a fool!"snapped Luxemba, "I would trust him with my life."

"Oh really," the Tooth Fairy smiled, "what about that." She motioned over to Luxemba's head of magical co-ordination, Jezediah Khante, who was counting even numbers and shaking slightly.

"He's never let me down," Luxemba shrugged, "And Khante is a good worker. Those even numbers really help with magic."

"Oh zure," Vato grinned, "You only like Clauz because you think he'z _cute_."

"Eww," Capulet stuck out her tongue.

"I do not!" Luxemba denied.

"Will you guys please stop it," from the end of the table the large nosed spy of the Fairy World secret service, Schnozmo Cosma, glared "You're actin' like a pair 'a' stupid kids."

"Oh, sure Schnoz," the Tooth Fairy grinned, "and when was the last time you actually did any spying?"

From inside the vents, a laugh echoed. Nega Timmy snickered to himself. Fools.

...

The next morning Timmy woke up, new and refreshed, his parents had already left, and obviously hadn't minded that Mark, whose house was on the other side of town, had stayed the night in the treehouse. Or maybe they just hadn't got back yet, it wouldn't be the first time. He smiled slightly, sitting down at the table and beginning to eat breakfast.

"Hey kid, how ya doin'?" A figure in a black suit with an omelette's greeted him.

"Oh hey, mysterious dude," Timmy paused, "err, what are you doing in my house?"

"Not much. Just here to destroy you."

"Oh. OK." There was a long awkward pause, then Timmy looked up at the figure. "Wait! WHAT!"

"Yeah," the black suited figure took out a long black stick with a yellow star on the end and rested it on Timmy's neck. "There are some guys up on Dimmsdale hill 'bout to do the same thing, I thought I might as well have the pleasure of beating them to it." He grinned, flicking the devices safety off, and watching as it glowed white hot, scorching Timmy's neck. Timmy closed his eyes, and waited for the blast. When it didn't come, he opened his eyes a crack.

"Like, don't try anything," Mark grinned, pointing a rather oversized gun at the suited figures back. The man gave a sickly grin and pulled the wand back from Timmy's neck.

"And don't you try anything either," growled a slightly British voice from behind Mark, Timmy stared as Amadeus Con materialised behind Mark, that star-stick weapon in his hands as well. It wasn't the weirdest thing Timmy had ever seen, but it was close.

"Hello, Amelius." The first man grinned.

"Red." Amadeus nodded.

"Well," Red grinned wider, "looks like I win, Mr Turner. So why don't you be a good little boy and just die easily." He readied his wand, and he, and the other two, got the surprise of their lives as a breadboard spiraled through the air, and smacked them all in the face.

...

It was early when Tommy Turner woke up and found himself in the creepily familiar streets of Dimmsdale. He looked around. That weird boy, Poof Cosma, was standing over him, as where two, equally familiar figures, or rather dogs. The Pink dog was staring down at him anxiously while the green one ignored him completely, chasing its tail around and laughing happily. The purple pup on the green dogs back barked joyously as it was spun around by its father.

"WANDA!" Tommy sat up suddenly, not knowing why he had just shouted that, he stared at the pink dog for a second, "aren't you usually one of Timmy's goldfish? The fat one?" He didn't know why he'd said that either. Wanda glared at him, before coolly poofing a frying pan up above his head.

"Oh boy." Tommy said dryly, before being smacked in the head and falling unconscious. Wanda glared over at her future son and began to berate him.

"What were you thinking?" Wanda screamed, "Coming here! It's so dangerous, do you even know what your doing to the universe, the future, yourself? Why would you even do that?" Poof looked around him, bewildered.

"I didn't just do it 'cos I wanted to!" Poof shouted back, "I got this letter from someone telling me I needed to!"

"AND YOU JUST DECIDED TO GO BACK?" Wanda shouted. "HOW STUPID ARE YOU?" Poof looked at her oddly, she was right, it really did sound stupid.

"Sorry," Poof muttered. Wanda glared at him some more, she wanted to say something, but the moment passed, and her eyes softened.

"Well," Wanda muttered, "I suppose it's not your fault. It's just a good thing that we found you in time, isn't it?" Poof nodded glumly, and was just about to follow his mother into the Fairy escape pod, when it exploded. Wanda was flung backwards. She stared up at the two figures floating down from the sky. Hamlet Green and Scorpio Capricorn touched down in the wreckage of the pod. The former straightened up, readjusted his ginger hair and red monocle and pulled out the largest gun that Wanda had ever seen. The latter stood, katana drawn, white hair blowing in the wind, like something from a Japanese samurai movie.

"Well... well... well," Hamlet took a step forwards, as he rearranged his green dinner suit, "Wanda. I... am... so... sorry... that we can't... just... let your son... go."

"WHAT?" Wanda shreiked.

"He broke one of our most important laws Wanda," Scorpio smiled, rushing through his words, "We have to take him in for questioning."

"Over my dead body," Wanda growled, before turning to Cosmo, "Cosmo, find Timmy, don't let him know who you are. We need to find out what's going on here." Cosmo nodded, dropping Baby Poof down onto the ground and running off down the street. Not Baby Poof gasped, he had thought he was helping the council, maybe back then these two didn't know that, but he was here to help Wakefield Claus and two men in suits weren't going to stop him. He lifted his wand, firing a small blast of magic down it at Green, before running towards him, intending to jump over the old man and run off down the street. There was a bang, obviously Green had fired something, it wouldn't matter, he had already jumped. Then something hit him in the face, and he tumbled from the sky, a few teeth falling out of his mouth as he did so. Above him, Scorpio Capricorn lowered his index finger.

"Sorry, Poof," Scorpio grinned, "but you ain't going anywhere."

Hamlet face palmed. Simpleton.

Scorpio shot forwards, bringing his foot up and into Poof's chest. Wanda winced, looking down at the Baby Poof to make sure he was safe, before rushing forwards to protect her future son. She was hit in the side by an incredibly powerful blast of magic, and fell to the ground, having been transformed into a slipper. Hamlet Green blew the smoke away from his gun, and got back to his feet. He to took a step towards Poof, as Scorpio lifted the boy to his feet. He looked around, monitors buzzing inside his mechanically upgraded monocle eye. And he noticed something unusual.

"Scorpio..." he growled, "to... your... right."

Scorpio spun on the balls of his feet, and found himself staring down the barrel of a gun.

"Don't even try it." Tommy Turner glowered.

...

Cosmo ran, ducking and weaving under people as he attempted to find Timmy's house. It was round here somewhere, he just didn't know where. He couldn't remember. Why did he have to be so stupid? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. What was he thinking again, oh well. Hey, maybe he'd have a better chance of finding Timmy's house if he looked human. He poofed back to a human, using the crowd as protection. He walked out of the crowd, rounding the corner and staring down the road at the bizarre scene in front of him.

Timmy's father was careening down the road, clearly on his way home to see Timmy. Cosmo squinted, he couldn't see the man very well, but it was definitely him. He recognised the voice. The man's car was about to turn off at the corner, when a man jumped out of the crowd, grabbed him and hogtied him.

"AHA!" The Bad Parent Hunter shouted victoriously, "Finally I, THE BAD PARENT HUNTER, have caught you Mr Turner!" Timmy's dad grinned up at him and tried to wave.

"Oh, hey. Your that guy from the TV! Wow I'm such a big fan. I learnt all my parenting techniques from your show."

"Well, mate, ya know that's not really the idea..."

"GREAT! Watch out for the fire hydrant."

"CRIKEY!" the Bad Parent Hunter exclaimed, spinning the car's wheel and narrowly avoiding the hydrant.

"And the next one."

"CRIKEY! Again."

"Oh, and the next."

"How many fire hydrants are there on this street anyway?" He avoided the next two, and was just about to dodge a third, when a figure landed on the bonnet, denting it inwards and sending it straight into the wall of a nearby bank. The thin faced fairy boy, Pi Seek, stood on the car bonnet, and equally thin and pointed wand in his hand. He twitched slightly, blinking with one eye, the other eye staying as wide and sad as ever.

"P-Pi, 4012, Sssseek, 4013, the, the, the, 4014, the, 4015, a-a-area, 4016, m-m-m-must, 4017, b-be, 4018, s-s-s-sssecured, 4019."

"What the..." the two men huddled together, despite the fact that Mr Turner was still hogtied. "Y-you, 4020, a-a-a-are, 4021, the, the, the, 4022, enemy." He gave a short giggle, pointing his wand, which began to spin like a buzz saw. He tried to take a step forwards, but stumbled, a blast of magic shot out of his wand and hit the wall of the bank, sawing straight through it and out the other side. It carved a path of destruction around and stopped shortly before it touched the car,

"3.14159, 4023,26535, 4024, 89793..." Pi Seek giggled slightly, before sinking back into his normal slumped posture.

"I need to find this kids parents," the Bad Parent Hunter grinned, clasping his net in both hands.

Cosmo watched the scene unfold. This wasn't good. It was so bad in fact that he was only moderately surprised when an old woman grabbed him from behind and knocked him out.

...

Timmy rushed up the stairs, trying to get as far from the three unconscious creeps as he could. He was at the first step when he heard the three figures stir, and began to run faster. Reaching his bedroom he flung open the door and found himself facing two men in long black cloaks. Or rather one massive man and one woman with an axe.

"This is Timmy Turner," the woman growled, "I don't kill kids H. I just wound 'em."

"Don't worry, Marie," H grinned, "I know a move that kills 'em real quick. I don't use it much for some reason." He cracked his knuckles, advancing on Timmy slowly. The woman pulled her hood back, revealing a pretty face with light pink hair, and followed H. Timmy backed away, shivering slightly, and turned right into the chest of the tall red haired man in the suit. Red grinned, stepping forwards and flicking his ponytail back behind his shoulder. He stroked his goatee with one hand and lifted Timmy off the ground with the other. His lip was bleeding but, somehow, it didn't make him seem anymore human.

"Red! What are you doing?" Timmy heard his biology teacher's voice before he saw the figure, breathless after only a short flight of stairs. What sort of man was he?

"I told you, Amelius," Red sneered, "this is not the real Timmy Turner. You've seen how much Fairy dust was on him. He's an impostor."

"Or a kid who had fairies a few years back." 'Amelius', or whatever his real name was, replied, "What difference does it make, he's still just a kid."

"I can't take a chance like that," Red growled, "what if he's planning to kill Poof?"

"WHAT IF HE'S NOT?"

"HE'S YOUR GRANDSON!"

"THAT STILL DOESN'T JUSTIFY MURDER!" Amelius huffed.

"Oh look at you," Marie grinned, "and I thought you were supposed to be a criminal mastermind."

"Gettin' soft," H drawled.

"Red," Amelius sniffed, tears suddenly pouring down his face, "I-I-I thought you told them. I thought you knew I didn't mean to do it." Red grinned.

"Oh, I know you didn't," Red grinned, spinning around, pointing his wand square at Amelius' chest, "because I did." He shot a jet of jet black magic straight at Amelius, who dodged out the way, gasping. Suddenly the entire room was full of light, as a nuclear explosion formed in the middle of the room. The three figures in Timmy's room took a few steps backwards, as a fist shot out of nowhere, catching H on the chin and sending him spinning backwards.

"Amelius Cosma," Jorgen growled as he materialised in the middle of the room, "figures."


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Don't own FOP. Never will.

**Chapter 8: The Really, Really, Really Pointless Fight Scene Chapter (Part Two)**

Timmy gasped, this was too much, just too much. He backed away from this new arrival, a look of horror on his face. The white haired, winged human was one of the largest people he had ever seen, at least twice as tall as his dad and decked out in army gear. He scrambled onto the bed, pushing himself into the corner and curling into as small a ball as possible. This was impossible. This couldn't be happenings. Jorgen grinned and turned towards Amadeus.

"Good disguise puny fairy," he laughed sarcastically, "It _really _fooled me. For about eight seconds! Ahahaha!"

Amadeus grinned slightly, his eyes and hair turning gradually green as he once again took on fairy form, completely oblivious to the human boy in the corner.

"How are you doing, Jorgen? How's the wife?"

"Oh, wouldn't you like to know?" Jorgen growled, "You betrayed us Amelius, and now, I've got to take you in." He took a step towards Amelius, and spun away as a bolt of magic hit him in the back. Jorgen span round, fuming and stared at H. His hood had fallen off, revealing an ugly, scarred face covered bruises and with a wand shaped tattoo carved into his cheek with a penknife, a lip that had been pierced multiple times and a single, glaring red pupil. H straightened up, pushing a few strands of the wild black hair out of his other eye socket. Both he and Marie stepped towards Timmy and, from near Amelius, Red began to speak again.

"Well!" Red drawled, his voice full of bitter sarcasm, "This has really been a lovely reunion. But, alas, all good things must come to an end and now," he shot towards Amelius, pushing him through the wall and into the next room, spinning his wand so that its point rested on Amelius' neck. "It's time for you to end. And by end I mean die!" Red grinned savagely, pressing the wand forwards and making Amelius wince, Amelius looked away, disgusted.

"Ahh, What's the matter Amelius?" Red grinned, screwing up his face in a look of mock concern, "How's Fairy Worlds special little star doing, all banished and miserable? Miss your wife?" Amelius muttered something, a tear rolling down his face as he struggled. Red grinned, lifting him off of his feet and slamming him into the wall a bit further up.

"No? How about..." he slammed his elbow into Amelius' chest, freeing up his hand so he could stroke his chin. He grinned, thinking for a minute, before moving his hand back to Amelius' neck, slamming him through another wall as he applied some more pressure. "Little... Baby..." At that moment the wall behind H blew itself to pieces, throwing him, Marie and Jorgen into the wall opposite and straight into Red and Amelius!

"Cosmo?" Red roared as he saw the figure who had done the damage.

"HI TIMMY!" the green haired fairy shouted as he flew through the hole in the wall and grinned like an idiot at the teenage boy, "IT'S ME COSMO! HII! I'M A DIVERSION!" Timmy pulled himself up, and his mouth fell open in a perfect 'o'. He scrambled up from the bed, and was just about to make a run for it, when he was grabbed by Marie, who rolled her eyes.

"Uhh, I hate having to kill kids." she growled pulling back her axe. She spun it down at Timmy's neck, and was about to lop off his head, when a blast of green magic hit her. Amelius leapt over Red, trying as best he could to avoid the blasts of magic that Jorgen had started firing in all directions. He grabbed Cosmo, the frantically struggling Timmy and, after some thought, decided to take Jorgen along as well. Just because, well, he wasn't quite that evil. H growled, sliding down the wall and landing on his head and, behind him, flattened against the wall, Red Black glared out.

"Well," Red grinned, gritting his still remaining teeth, "that went super." H tried to speak, "No really, Harmonious, it went just great. Swell in fact. I'm sure that the boss will be really pleased to know that not only have we let Mr Turner get away, but we've also let him slip into the hands of Amelius Cosma." With that he lifted off the ground, turned himself into a bat and flew out of the hole in the wall. The other two glared at each other, before following suite.

...

Pi Seek took another step forwards, crushing the bonnet yet more and twisting metal out of shape. The wands spinning increased and he thrust it, like a buzz saw, at the two cowering men. And that was when it happened. A bolt of black, yellow and purple magic shot out of nowhere, hitting Pi Seek in the side of the head, and pitching him off the car and into the wall of the bank, causing the whole building to fall in on itself. Pi Seek got up, holding his head in one hand and facing his enemy. A small purple and blue parrot grinned, landing on a tree and looking down at Seek through one eye.

"Ow..." Pi Seek moaned, rubbing his temples, his head was killing him, "4212, W-what, 4213, was that, 4214, for?" He stared up at the parrot, who sneered back, "Oh, it's, 4215, you." The bird grinned, opened its mouth and gave a squawk. Another blast of magic shot at Pi Seek, who spun awkwardly out the way. The bird fired another.

"Defence maneuver 12," Pi Seek screamed, the blast catching him in the nose and throwing him several meters into the air. He landed on his face. "Oh, wait, that only works on physical attacks." Pi Seek stumbled to his feet, gasping slightly and clutching his bleeding nose. He stumbled forwards, wand clutched firmly in his pale hand, and blasted a large ton of masonry towards the bird, who dodged out the way, squawking. Pi Seek groaned, holding his head, and was promptly blasted by yet another wave of magic. He spluttered as the parrot charged forwards and slammed into his stomach. Pi Seek staggered into the wall of the bank, somehow avoiding the many cameras and security lasers covering the room. Pi Seek gave a sniff, wrenching the safe doors of their hinges and hefting it towards Andy, who, being so small was able to dodge it easily. Pi Seek fell back as Andy fired another blast at him. He dodged it and he was hit straight in the face by a shoe thrown by Mr Turner. He slipped on the earth, falling forwards and smashing his face on the ground. Pi Seek gave a moan, what sort of assassin was he anyway? Even a baby could do better than him when fighting a parrot? He glowered at Andy as he lifted himself to his feet. Stepping forwards, he batted another blast away and grabbing hold of Mr Turner's car, lifted it, and the two protesting humans inside, high into the air. The parrot gulped, backing away slightly, as Pi Seek took another step forward, muttering numbers under his breath. He lifted the car and bent his legs, when a bullet caught him in the side. His face crumpled and he let out another groan as he lost his grip on the car, and it fell down onto his head.

"Aww m-man, 5273, tha-tha-that's, 5274, not faaair, 5275..." The grey haired boy complained from beneath the heavy vehicle.

The parrot, Andy, looked around frantically, trying to see where the bullet had come from, just around the corner, and slightly further down the road. How could he possibly have missed that? He rolled his eyes, this would take some strategy. It was a shame that Amelius wasn't here, he was the one who was supposed to come up with these strategies. Andy just carried them out for the man. It had been Amelius' plan to come here, Amelius' plan for him to follow Timmy's dad, just in case something weird happened to him. Andy was just Amelius' parrot, and that was all he wanted to be. He liked being a parrot. He gave a moan, jumping down from the sky and turning into a cat. He scurried over to the man with the gun and stared up at him. He had to admit that the man looked impressive. Like a bigger version of Timmy, but with a gun, and standing in front of a woman who was so obviously a fairy it wasn't even funny.

"What happened?" Tommy growled, turning around and pointing the gun at random pedestrians who had gathered to look at the curious event. The pedestrians took no notice, they didn't even twitch. They didn't blink. They didn't do anything. Tommy stared at one of them, reaching out his hand to touch it, and was caught by surprise when Scorpio Capricorn shot from the crowd, grabbing him by the arm and slamming him easily into the ground. Capricorn grinned and stepped past Tommy, who span back onto his feet, and fired a clip of bullets. Capricorn span on his feet, dodging them, without even breaking a sweat. He took another step forwards, pulling Poof (the elder) off his feet and throwing him over one shoulder as easily as if he were a feather. He spun on his heel, heading back towards the line of frozen pedestrians that surrounded the fight.

"You know," Scorpio grinned, "This could, quite possibly, be the easiest fight I ever fought. I've fought babies who were easier to beat than you thr..." Scorpio stopped, writhing in pain as Poof (the older one) kicked him in the stomach. Scorpio dropped Poof to the ground and gasped as Wanda, who had finally managed to turn herself back into a fairy, pulled herself to her feet and fired a blast of magic towards the blue cloaked man. The watermelon, that had seconds ago been Scorpio Capricorn, fell to the floor, where it was shot several times by an angry, and rather bitter, Tommy Turner. Hamlet Green stepped out of the crowd and, frowning, turned Scorpio back into his original form.

"What... are... you... waiting... for?" Hamlet sighed, stepping towards Scorpio, who shushed him, holding his head in his hands.

"Don't talk!" Scorpio moaned, "Hangover!"

"It... is not... a hangover," Hamlet snarled, smacking Scorpio close upside the head, "You... have... just been... shot."

"Really?"

"Several... times in fact."

"So this is what it feels like," Scorpio moaned, "God, no wonder humans feel so rotten when it happens to them."

"Actually," Tommy began, "We usually die."

"Really?" Scorpio gave a cough and vomited all over the floor, "Lucky." Hamlet flinched slightly and stepped towards his companion. Scorpio groaned as Green threw a blanket, which he had poofed up from nowhere, over him. Before turning to Scorpio and knocking him over the head with the giant gun.

"I... told you... we should... have sent... a... Death Squad!" Hamlet bellowed, his slow voice completely at odds with his rage.

"Hey. It was your idea to come down here Hamlet." Scorpio groaned.

"You... really are... pathetic."

"I'm pathetic? I can break the sound barrier!"

"And yet... you get stopped... by a kick... in the stomach?"

"Hey sh-shut up!"

"Just... get us out... of here." Hamlet snarled. Capricorn shrugged. He pushed his weight into his feet, shoving his legs into the ground until everything down from his knees was covered. He then spun his legs, ripping the ground up and spinning it around him, faster and faster, in an improvised dust storm. Wanda gave a gasp, covering her eyes with her hands as she attempted to get towards the two figures who had attempted to kidnap her, future, son. She looked around herself as the dust in front of her cleared. People were moving again, inspecting the damage and rushing to find doctors, but moving none the less. A car swerved dangerously down the road, the two men inside laughing happily about the 'horrifying experience' that they had just been through, as the one who was hogtied attempted to free himself, in order to rescue his beloved Striker-Z car. She could see both of her sons, who had been slammed into the wall by a large piece of masonry, and Tommy, whose face and hands were cut and heavily bruised by hundreds of pieces of concrete that had been thrown at him, tearing his clothes and lodging in his hair. His left arm hung uselessly and both his legs were twisted around awkwardly. Wanda stepped towards the man. He looked frustrated, bewildered and defeated. It hadn't been his fight, he hadn't needed to get involved. She sighed, he may have been older than her kids and, she had to admit, he was still dreamy, but he was still only a human. He was weaker than Poof, and she knew he wouldn't live much longer if she didn't do something. She stepped towards him, putting her hand on his battered face and beginning to heal him. Tommy opened one eye, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. He could see a blurry image, and hear a voice in the back of his head, something comforting, familiar. It reminded him of home.

"W-Wanda?" Tommy groaned, staring around him, his blurry eyes looking for her voice.

"Shh," Wanda put a finger to her lips, trying to calm the young man down, "Don't talk. You might hurt yourself." As stupid as it sounded, it was probably true. His organs were pretty fragile now. Wanda groaned, there was more damage than she thought and, unlike making you King of the world, healing had to be done slowly. It was easy, but slow. As long as nothing distracting happened, Tommy would be just fine. As it was about to turn the corner, the Striker-Z stopped.

"A-A-A, 527, Andro-, 528, medan Clarion!" Pi Seek roared, lifting the car and throwing it so high in the air that it became a speck. Fortunately, Mr Turner was as prepared as ever. Pulling a parachute from under the seat with his teeth, he threw the parachute over to the Bad Parent Hunter, before pulling one out himself, opening the door (once again, with his teeth) and plummeting from the car and towards the earth.

On the ground, Pi Seek glared around him, and was just about to charge the fairies in front of him, when Andromedan, who was now a cat, jumped at them, teleporting the two Poofs, Wanda and Tommy, not to mention himself, away. Pi Seek groaned, and inside his head, his automatic fairy tracker clicked on, transmitting their location to him in an instant. The location of every fairy on Earth. Their were two standing behind him right now. He spun round, grinning maliciously, and was hit in the head with a fist the size, and probably force, of a minivan going at 80. The boy reeled, his neck snapping back and grey hair flying out in all directions.

"YOU WERE HERE ALL THIS TIME?" Harmonious 'H' Flowerpetal bellowed, "WE'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU! BOSS WANTS US BACK AT BASE RIGHT NOW!"

"Aww, 529, But I-I-I haven't, 530, finished killing yet..."

"You haven't started killing yet," Marie rolled her eyes, "No one's dead. Now stop being stupid and come on."

"Yes ma'am..." Pi Seek groaned, hanging his head in shame. The other two returned to bat form and fluttered away, with Pi Seek flapping lamely in their wake.

"I SAID MOVE YER ARSE SEEK!" A voice roared down at him.

"Y-y-yessss, 531, H!" Pi squeaked, his wings flapping erratically as he made his way after the other two.

...

Timmy gasped, falling out of the wall and landing hard, he gave a groan, trying to stand, and failing miserably.

"Don't try to get up," a voice came from just past Timmy's line of sight, "Magic portals, really bracing, get your breath back, take a shower and, oh, don't go near a toaster for about the next," the man stopped, Timmy imagined he must have been shrugging, "year? Well anyway that's magic for you. I'd lecture you about it but you probably know already... Or maybe not, seeing as they mind wiped you. You see it's all very simple, what happens is..." Timmy cut him off, leaning against the wall and pulling himself to his feet, he glared over at the man. He knew that this was Amadeus Con, his teacher, but it didn't look like him. Well it did, it looked exactly like him but with green hair. But he wasn't. He was different somehow. He seemed shorter, weirder and more annoying.

"Wait." Timmy groaned, "What the heck are you talking about?"

"Mind wiped." Amelius rolled his eyes, "Whatcha gonna do?" He grinned widely. There was something odd about that grin. Something familiar. Timmy sighed, _Cosmo_. He paused. _Who? _Timmy didn't even know anyone called Cosmo. He stared at the man and was about to say something, when there was a flash of light, and a series of figures landed in front of him. The last of which being a cat, who landed on its back with a yowl. Cats weren't supposed to do that. The cat flipped onto its feet and jumped into the Amelius' arms. The green haired scientist grinned at the pile of tangled human and fairy. Timmy glared at him, he didn't like that grin very much, it looked idiotic, but also somehow patronising. There was something in the way Amelius stood , the way he walked that seemed to say, _I'm not human anymore, I'm better than you_.

"Right, you lot," Amelius addressed the untangling figures in the same manner he would address his class, "For those fairies among you, my name's Amelius Cosma, I'm young Cosmo's father. For those humans, or anyone who's really interested, I'm a fairy. A magical being talked of in numerous Fairy Tales and known for their happy nature," he gave a laugh to demonstrate, "And for the last few hundred years I've been stuck here." Wanda gasped, she had heard about this man. This Amelius Cosma, as he called himself.

"You're that guy from that movie Mr Claus showed me right." Amelius stared at Poof for a second.

"Probably. I have a feeling that I'm relatively famous." Wanda and the older Poof both glared at Amelius, and he sighed. "You have to understand," Amelius began, "Yes, I created the Anti-Fairies, but I didn't mean to. I was young, foolish and... I didn't do it."

"Oh let me guess," Wanda began, "you were framed for creating an evil species? If you really were one of the cleverest men in the whole of Fairy World, which is what we are expected to believe you are, then how the heck could you possibly be framed for something as stupid and over the top as that?" She turned away from the figure, and began to make her way to the door.

"Door's locked."

Wanda glared at him, before raising her wand, and being greeted with the, ever annoying, wand-not-working-fart sound.

"And I kind of turned on about fifty different kind of magic blocking. Ya see, I really don't want you to leave..." Wanda's eyes almost fired lasers at Amelius, "Ah, gimmie a break, Cosmo's my kid." He gasped as Cosmo slammed into him, pushing the air out of his body. The two green haired men fell to the floor, and Andy gave a groan, as he was crushed under both of them.

"DADDY!" Cosmo yelled as Poof too sped towards his grandfather, wrapping his stubby little arms around him and squeezing both him and Cosmo tightly. Both men gasped, and Amelius lowly turned blue, as most of the air was thoroughly rang out of him. Andromedan pulled himself out of the folds of long coat that Amelius was wearing and glaring at the other people in the room.

"Enough with the love-fest!" Andromedan Clarion yowled, "We camp here for tonight!" Timmy stared at the talking cat, watching as it turned back into a parrot, and did something that he probably should have done hours ago. He fainted.

...

Jezediah Khante glared straight forward at the men in front of him. The four had just returned from the surface of Earth. They had been defeated. Pathetic, really. Jezediah grinned to himself, looking first left, where a bald man with a large nine tatooed on his arm stood, grinning like a psychopathy. To his right stood Cazack Caraz, a crooked back crazy with a horrible personality to boot. He glared over at their leader, who was halfway through the process of bombarding his men with abuse, for their miserable failure.

"Idiots! I give you every last aid, every single chance of success. I even get you put on the damned retrieval detail for god's sake. And you still mess it up. You're just lucky that he's coming here, otherwise we could just call this mission a right off right here, right now! No glory! No privileges! Just the death penalty for every last one of us!" He paused, stopping his rant and glaring darkly at Red, "And that's no way to go for the, ehe, future King of Fairy World."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Do I really need to tell you that I don't own FOP. Because It's actually getting really boring to talk about Butch Hartman. The army of OCs belong to me though.

**Chapter Nine: Planning**

Wanda groaned, staring out of the window and over the battered, dead garden. If only fairies were stronger, then she might have been able to force open the windows. But, unfortunately, fairies relied far too much on magic to bother with strength, and all the humans were busy pouring over a dusty tome that Amelius had got out. Jorgen had either decided not to do anything, or just hadn't realised that there was anything he could do. She sighed, this Amelius guy seemed nice and she assumed that, being Cosmo's father she should trust him. Unfortunately, she didn't. It seemed like, ever since he and that bird turned up, the world had gone insane. Didn't they remember that Amelius was a wanted criminal? An enemy of society. She shrugged, miserable. Maybe she just wasn't trusting enough. But still, even her baby son wanted to spend time with this guy, and he didn't even know who Amelius was. A hand fell onto her shoulder. She turned to see a white haired fairy, looking down at her in concern.

"You don't trust him either?" Wanda said. Jorgen nodded. How could he, this man had almost killed him once. It had been a long time ago, back before anyone had ever heard of an Anti-Fairy. But Jorgen just couldn't let it go. It meant to much to him.

Jorgen sighed and sat down next to the fairy and putting an arm around her. She tried to shrug him off but he was far too strong for her.

"We need to work together on this." Jorgen smiled in what he thought was sympathy, but actually looked far more like blood-lust, "I will use my mighty biceps to crush his..."

"No." Wanda muttered, "We can't just go in all guns blazing like that."

"Why not. It's fun."

"No. We need to be careful. We don't know what this Amelius can do. He might create more Anti-Fairies if we help him."

"You're right. Imagine having to fight hundreds of puny ineffective Anti-Fairies," Jorgen threw up his arms in mock horror, "It's not like I'd enjoy punching in their faces." Wanda rolled her eyes.

"Look, if we want to find out what he's really up to we'll have to work together. I thought we could rely on Andy, because Cosmo's father kidnapped him. But looks like their on the same side."

"Sooo..."

"So that means are best bet is Timmy and Tommy. They don't really know what's going on though, so I doubt they'd actually want to help us that much. Poof, the older one, might help, but I don't think we can count that much on him."

"Yes. He obviously doesn't care too much about Da Rulez. What kind of idiots bought that up?" Jorgen laughed at his own joke, before catching Wanda's irate expression and shutting up. He got up and walked away, only to be instantly replaced by Amelius Cosma. The man smiled down at Wanda and she glared back.

"Why are you lying to us?"

"Lying."

"About being innocent. You know, no one outside this room is going to believe you."

"Ha." Amelius laughed mirthlessly, "I don't expect you to believe it. Not you at any rate, Wanda. No, you're too cynical and I'm to untrustworthy for us to be on the same side. Seriously, it would take some sort of massive disaster to put us on the same team." Wanda didn't speak, "Look, kid, I don't expect you to like me and I don't expect you to trust me. But I would like you to work with me. We're going to need all the help we can get. So, think it over OK." He turned, slouching back towards his son, and left Wanda to her musings.

...

"AW! WHY DO I HAVE TO?" Capulet screeched as she was dragged down the corridor. "I DON' WANNA! DAAADDY!" Vato grimaced. He hated kids. All this shouting and screeching. Thinking they were so much bigger than they actually were. So much cooler. Who had ever heard of Capulet Claus anyway? Vato sighed. Just showed what was wrong with the council these days. He was head of Internal Affairs. One of the five most important people in the whole of Fairy World. And what did he get for it? Nothing. He was on babysitting duty, again. Who had actually ever heard of him anyway? Well, obviously, most fairies knew he existed. But most kids had never even heard of Vato Voltaire, much less seen his face. Most kids probably thought that Jorgen Vonstrangle was in control of Fairy World. Yeah, good luck with that.

"WHY CAN'T I GO TO THE MEETING? I WANNA GO TO THE MEETING! I DON'T WANNA GO TO BED!"

"Zhut up you leetle eediot!" Vato complained, "You're giving me an 'eadache." He moaned, rubbing his temples. Why did it have to be him?

"YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU- YOU- YOU HALFBREED!" Capulet spat. Vato fumed at her, how could that little freak call him that? He was Vato Voltaire, Head councilor.

"Vhat!" Vato roared at her, "You vink you can bozz me around? You vink I don't pull my veight? You vink, maybe, zat thiz place runz itzelv. You vink zat Varies can juzt vly (fly) villy nilly to Earth, granting vishes venever zey veel like it? No! NO! Zomeone needz to control zem. Zomeone needz to help. Wivout me, Varies are idiotz! Varies are uzelezz! Variez are mere children!" Capulet glared at the man. He was a real jerk. What was his problem anyway, all this stuff about how great he was. Well, she wasn't going to stay to listen to it. She took out her training wand and, holding it lightly in her fingers, just like daddy had showed her, span on her feet, and threw the pointy magical item into the spiky haired half-sprites stomach. He fell to his knees, gasping in pain and his eyes rolled back in his head.

"Vhy you leetle..." he groaned.

"Ha. Take that you," She pulled a face, "'Ztupid Zprite'!" She laughed, turning and rushing down the corridor. Away from the creature. Voltaire growled, lifting himself to up with his wings, and began flapping down the corridor, erratic, uncontrolled. But fast. Faster than Capulet would have thought possible. Capulet groaned, turning the corner, she ducked low, into one of the thinner passageways. But somehow, despite his massive wingspan, the man managed to keep behind her.

"You leetle brat!" Vato roared, "They 'ought to lock you up!"

Capulet would have normally made some snide remark, but right now didn't really seem the best time. She whipped round another corner, then another, hair whipping in her eyes and her hair band flicking from her hair and landing on the ground. She groaned. That stupid, stupid, sprite. Didn't he know that she could have his guts for this. Vato span round another corner and flew towards her. Hands stretched forwards and she gave a squeak, darting around the next corner. She pulled herself back up and began to run, darting through a door and out of a cupboard somewhere on the first floor. She gave a brief laugh, running straight forwards and turning the corner. Straight into a spiky hooded figure.

"Vatch vhere you're going child." Vato Voltaire groaned, standing over her and tutting, "Vhat are you doing up 'ere child? Aren't you zuppozed to be in bed." Capulet shivered, backing away from the tall, vibrant yellow figure.

"Vhat?" Vato groaned, "'Ave I got zomething ztuck to my teev." He looked down at the girl, taking a step forwards as she backed up against the door, whimpering pathetically.

"DADDY!" She screamed, breathing heavily, tears rolling down her face. Vato reached out to her and she gave a squeak, her back pushing up against something thick. Thick and wooden. A door! Capulet jumped up to it, tears pouring down her face now as she screamed her father's name. Vato stared at her, she was trying to open a door. He hurried forwards, the girl was obviously quite hysterical. He grabbed for her, just as she pulled the door open. She was going to hurt herself. Vato just knew it. And who did you think was going to get the blame? He grabbed her jacket, pulling on it as she teetered on the edge of a vast drop. He glared at the screaming girl, who clawed his hands and tried to pull away from him.

"Vhat do you vink you're doing?" He growled, catching sight of something yellow out of the corner of his eye. Probably one of his workers. That was his solution, this man could take her to her room. Then he could get on with his actual job. He turned towards the yellow cloak. "You could 'ave been..." His words died in his throat as he saw the man he was talking to and his blood ran cold. Well, actually it stayed about the same. That was the problem with being cold blooded. You couldn't have an important dramatic reaction. he stepped back, dropping Capulet down the chute. An impulse reaction to danger. Save the girl who gets you that big fat Christmas bonus. He grinned as casually as he could, stepping towards his doppelganger. The other Vato Voltaire grinned.

"'Allo, 'allo, 'allo, vhat do ve 'ave 'ere zen." the other Vato grinned one of his two eyes glowing red. The other eye rolled uselessly back and forth and a dark wand-shaped scar began to form on his face. "I tried to be nice." Harmonious laughed, his lip piercings shaking violently, "Tried to be civil. Tried to get it done painlessly. But it didn't work. Wand to the stomach. Thanks. Real great." He stepped towards Vato, who sparked with energy and reached for his wand.

"Oh, come off it." Harmonious grinned, "You can't use much magic in here. Which means you ain't got no advantage over me." He grabbed Vato's face in one hand, "An' I'm quite a bit bigger than you."

Capulet groaned, lifting herself up onto her knees and looking around. She was in a wide open space, a circular stone floor covered in mats and papers. She was looking out over a beautiful sunset wreathed in clouds and broken by the occasional solid stone pillar around the side covered in moss and adorned with flags and swords. This 'room' was Scorpio Capricorn's head office, the center of Fairy World justice. The room was now completely devoid of life, sans a few cute fluffy animals and birds. Capulet giggled slightly, that was an odd occurrence for her. Normally she would just kick a few of them and be done with it. But escaping Vato always cheered her up, and this was a truly beautiful place. She walked into the middle of the room, and suddenly, she heard it. Counting.

"1203, 1204, 1205." She looked around her, staring down from the table like flooring and out over the ground below. A boy was standing out on a balcony, not far away from her, stammering out numbers. He was about the same age as she was, short, wiry haired and fragile. He turned, shaking his square wings, and stared into her eyes. One eye blinked rapidly, yet the other stared straight forwards, wide open. The boy twitched, frowned and disappeared.

"1206" the voice came from behind her, "H-hello, 1207, p-p-p-pretty girl, 1208, M-my name, 1208, is, 1209, Piiii S-Seeek." Capulet flinched and backed away from him. He took a step forwards and she turned, turned and ran. She didn't get far though. The boy shot forwards, falling towards her, tumbling downwards like a soldier who had just been shot, and clasped her by the ankle. "P-p-pleease, 1210, d-do n-n-, 1211, -not, 1212, g-go." Pi Seek shivered, his eyes bulging as, with a ping, his wand appeared. He twitched and pressed one of the points against her neck. "W-we, 1213, neeeed, 1214, y-y-you, 1215, to, 1216, c-come w-with, 1217, m-m-m-, 1218, meee. Please."

...

"What do you mean you can't help?" Amelius roared, pacing the floor infront of two large glass screens. "Can't you guys see that we need you out there?"

On one of the screens, Creevey Clarion arched an eyebrow at him.

"Help you." he stated, "Haven't left my house for years. You took my son. They took my wife. How can I leave?"

"But you need to help me!"

"Help you? No. Never. You killed my son. Pitched him over the edge of Fairy World like a rag doll." Amelius gasped.

"What? No! I ne... that is to say I... He's still..." Creevey reached forwards, turning off the screen and Amelius gave a sigh, before turning to Hassian, who was displayed on the other screen. "How about you, eh? Ready for fame and fortune."

Hassian grinned at him, forcing all the charisma in his body up through his throat and into that smile. "I'm always ready for fame and fortune, Ammy. You know that as well as anyone else. But..."

"Not you too."

"'Fraid so. Y'see thing about going up against a revolutionary group wanting to overthrow Fairy World is, there's too much to lose. Sure, Creev's off in his mansion, away from all that, but right now we're looking at a massive prison break in Abracatraz along with some ongoing peace talks with Anti-Fairy World. Now, from what I hear, these revolutionary guys are led by some guy called Clark. Got military backing and everything. Started down here a couple of hours ago and, from what I know, Councilor Vato's already been captured."

"But surely you can..."

"Look Ammy, if you wanna go and make yourself even less popular, by all means play the hero. Run off someplace with your human friends and get shot. Just count me out of it." Hassian turned off his monitor, with a click of his fingers. Amelius sighed again, turning to Tommy, who stood directly behind him.

"They're not working with us," he confessed, "Looks like we're gonna need to get help, from other sources."

...

"Unbelievable!" The Tooth Fairy glowered, marching up and down the room, "Just unbelievable! I leave him alone for three minutes. THREE MINUTES! And he goes missing! Gone to Earth after some 'Threat to Society'! And just when I think that things can't get any worse... THIS!" She indicated around her, at the masked men, and the Wand-zookas and the cell in which she was now pacing. Horrors chuckled and, next to him, a man in an eleven mask gave a nervous laugh.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!" the woman roared. "WHY, WHEN MY HUSBAND GETS HERE HE'S GOING TO..." a third man pulled a switch, soundproofing the room with a heavy clank.

"Yes. Well." Hassian Orion smiled, "I think that went rather well."

"Well?" A man in a four mask and a green cloak groaned, "You just refused help from your best friend. How did things possibly go well?"

"Ah, isn't it obvious?" Hassian laughed, as he rummaged inside a cardboard box on the floor, "We're supposed to be top secret. We can't just go prancing around the streets of Fairy World saving citizen's. Besides, we have more important things to do."

"Sh-shouldn't the Chosen One be doing this?" Eleven mask, or Ferdinand-Sidney Loather as he was really called, whimpered, holding his mask several inches from his face for fear of it eating his face.

"You think the whole world's about the Chosen One?" Hassian glowered at Loather, who took a couple of steps away from him, "You think the Chosen One even remembers us? You think he'd even care?" He retrieved a mask with a one on it from the box and turned to the screens on the wall.

"Hate to tell you this F-S," a man with a ten mask and incredibly large teeth growled, "but this is the real world. And I ain't gonna wait for some designated hero to come an' save us."

Hassian groaned and addressed some of the figures on the screens.

"Five. Seven." On their screens the two female members of the group nodded, "Take this access key. Go to the Tooth Fairies main office and activate protocol three. It'll send a message to every kid in the world that we're under attack. Get their fairies to come and help. Three," the man on this screen glared daggers at him, "Stay close to the that Clark guy. Do whatever you can to bring him down."

"As you wish, sir." Three screens went dead and Hassian turned to yet more. In one, a fat man in a two mask was reading a book. The other, a tall blue haired man in a twelve mask was rearranging toy soldiers into intricate patterns. Spirals, words, flowers. But mostly palindromes.

"Twelve. I want you to try and contact Six and Eight. They should be on Earth or something. Remember, we can't do this without them." Twelve shuddered a few times, picked up a toy soldier and turned off the monitor. Hassian turned away from the last screen, and towards the remaining four masked men. Four, Nine, Ten and Eleven, all except one of whom were wearing their masks.

"Listen men," Hassian began, "You've all been chosen, given a higher calling in life. You've been chosen for certain skills you possess, as have all of us. Some of you are clever, some are strong, some are tacticians and some are good with files. But, most importantly, you are insane. Every last one of you is completely and utterly barmy. We are an egomaniac, a recluse, a spectraphobe, a pantophobe, a numephobic, an obsessive compulsive, a psychopath, an idiot, three people with photographic memories and a sociopath. We are the twelve. A secret society tasked with protecting king and country, even when that king is long dead. You have been chosen, regardless of skill, because you are all physically incapable of living normal lives. You are therefore, the last people who would ever be expected of being members of a secret society. Spies are supposed to be well-trained, normal, unassuming people. We are not and, for years, we have kept our secrets. And now, it is time to attack."

The man on the final screen clapped, leaning closer.

"So," he smiled, "What's the plan?"

"We need to protect the councilors. Get them to a safe location..."

"Kidnap them, in other words?"

"Well, so to speak, I suppose..."

"Yes." the man in the two mask chuckled and Hassian stared grim faced at him. He reached up, fastening the numbered mask to his face, and throwing a brown cloak over himself.

"Remember, Creev', if I die out there, use my body as a shield OK. It's real important that we succeed."


End file.
